Signs You’re Growing Apart From Your Spouse

If you feel like you are growing apart from your spouse or feel like you are drifting away from them, you are not alone.

Many couples go through periods where they feel disconnected from each other. My partner and I experienced this at times, but what matters is how you respond to the situation and work together to improve your relationship.

If you or your spouse are worried about growing apart and becoming strangers, this can add stress to your marriage. The worst part is when your spouse denies that there is a problem.

Is it normal to grow apart in marriage?

Although it is possible to grow apart from your spouse and remain married, it is not a good thing for your marriage.

As humans, we are constantly evolving and changing. Our interests, priorities and opinions change over time as we move through life. We are pulled in different directions as we grow and change.

Your partner will not be the same person you married; they will grow and change throughout their life, as you should too.

You need to be aware of choosing, learning, and finding out new information on your partner to keep the relationship fresh and not get bored with each other.

Growing apart after marriage is something that could potentially destroy your marriage if it is not dealt with properly.

Do everything you can to grow together with your spouse, even if it’s something small like giving each other a passionate hug or kiss every day.

Growing apart can be a terrifying experience

One of our biggest fears when we first get married is that we would grow apart from each other.

After observing married couples who seemed to have grown apart from each other, we begin to wonder how they became so distant.

After making the observation that many couples grow apart and live like strangers, many couples decide  that they do not want to make the same mistakes.

Why do married couples grow apart after marriage?

If you find yourself growing apart from your spouse, it may not be something that happened overnight. It could be a slow process that has been going on for months or even years.

The things you do or stop doing on a daily basis can show a lack of appreciation for your spouse.

The most common reason for married couples to drift apart is because they stop connecting with each other in their everyday lives.

If you find yourself getting busy with life and drifting apart from your spouse, it may be because of family conflicts, work obligations, health issues, or a loss of friends.

Recognize the signs

One study of British couples who were married or living together found that 39% of men and 36% of women cited ‘growing apart’ as the reason their relationship ended.

Some signs that you might be growing apart as a couple:

• Lack of attention: You don’t pay attention or listen to each other.
• Lack of intimacy: This can include a lack of both physical and emotional intimacy. You feel like you don’t know your partner anymore or that they don’t know you.
• Lack of connection: It seems like you’re never on the same page. This can make it difficult to make decisions as a couple and often contributes to conflict.
• Lack of trust: You feel like you can’t share your true feelings.
• Lack of empathy: You have a hard time understanding each other’s needs and emotions.

Sometimes the signs that something is wrong are obvious, but sometimes they are subtle or happen gradually over time. If you notice this, don’t ignore it, because it is a problem that you can work together to resolve.

Signs you are drifting apart from your spouse

You may not realize it, but you may be growing apart from your spouse. The following signs will show you whether this is the case.

1. You would rather not sit and talk with your spouse tonight, but you know it would be a good idea.
2. It’s difficult to communicate with your spouse about everything because it feels like they don’t care about you.
3. In addition to feeling like your spouse will not understand you, you feel like they will not be there for you physically or emotionally. You might feel like any conversation you have will turn into a fight or argument, so you might not bother trying to talk to them.
4. You’re happier when you do things without your partner. In fact, your partner is pretty much the last person you want to share any exciting news with. You dislike them and don’t care about what they do.
5. There is a disconnect in your marriage and you are wondering what to do.
6. Perhaps you experience a disconnect after the birth of a new baby because it’s difficult to adjust to the new change. Plus, there are all the new responsibilities that come with taking care of a new child.
7. You may feel emotionally disconnected from each other, or that your sexual connection is lacking.
8. Sex with your husband or wife is…
9. You get irritated or annoyed frequently with your spouse.
10. You spend so much time fighting and criticizing each other that you’d rather spend time apart than together.
11. You’re always annoyed by your spouse’s presence or actions. Every time you get a text or call from them, you feel like they’re disturbing you.
12. At times, you get angry with them and feel like throwing their phone away. On other occasions, you muster up the courage to ignore their phone calls. When they eventually ask why you’ve been ignoring them, you lie and make up an excuse.
13. You miss doing things with your spouse
14. At one time you went to bed at the same time, but now, one of you goes to bed much later than the other person.
15. If you and your partner used to do fun activities together like playing board or card games but don’t seem to have the time for it anymore, that may be another sign that your relationship is in trouble.
16. You feel something is missing in your marriage
17. You’re feeling uninterested and excitement in the things you used to love and want to find that spark again.
18. You want to bring back the strong feelings you had for each other when you first met.
19. You feel your marriage is coming to an end.
20. It seems like your spouse is ignoring you and you don’t have anything in common anymore. You feel hopeless.

What to do if you have grown apart from your spouse

Share your concerns

The first step toward overcoming the growing distance between you and your partner is to talk about your concerns. However, it’s important to make sure this is a conversation and not a confrontation. You don’t want to come across as angry or accusatory. Instead, focus on explaining how you’re feeling and why you think the distance has grown. If your partner is receptive, the two of you can work together to find solutions.

Be clear that you are not assigning blame to your partner for the current situation. Instead, focus on your observations of the situation and how you and your partner can work together to improve it.

You could start the conversation by expressing your feelings, for example, by saying that you feel like you and the person aren’t as close as you used to be, and that you would like to find ways to spend more time together.

Do not start the conversation with negative comments. This will only make the other person defensive and less likely to want to work on the relationship.

Spend time together

Couples who spend more time together are generally happier and less stressed, although it can be difficult to find time to spend together.

There have been studies done that suggest that both work and family life are incredibly demanding and take up a lot of time. This causes people to have to make choices about how they spend their time, which can sometimes mean that their relationships suffer as they try to make time for their kids and work.

Working parents often have difficulty coordinating their schedules in order to find time for each other amidst work and family obligations.

Past research has suggested that marital well-being can have long-term effects on health, but one study found that simply spending time together can have a number of immediate benefits as well. The results of the study found that:

• When people were asked how happy they felt, those who were with their spouses reported feeling happier than those who were not.
• People indicated that they found activities done with their spouse more significant than those done by themselves.
• Participants were less likely to report stress during activities when their spouse was present.

The University of Minnesota’s Sarah Flood and Katie Genedek explain that married individuals tend to be happier and find more meaning in their lives when they spend time with their spouses, and experience less stress.

Support one another

Sometimes it’s easier to feel connected to someone when you feel like they have your back. Find ways to show each other care and support.

“When we believe we’re supported, we feel better about ourselves and can cope better with stressful events and situations,” explain Rob Pascale and Lou Primavera, PhD, in their book “Making Marriage Work: Avoiding the Pitfalls and Achieving Success.”

There are many different ways to support your spouse, including both words and deeds:

• Tell your partner you’re proud of them
• Write a note to describe how you appreciate them.
• You can also show your partner you care by doing them a favor or being kind to them.
• If your spouse is feeling upset, validate their feelings to help them feel seen, understood, and emotionally connected.

Have fun together

If you feel like your relationship is getting boring, you’re not alone. It’s normal for the excitement to fade a little as you settle into a long-term partnership and the grind of daily life becomes more important than keeping the passion alive.

Therapists Robert Schwarz and Elaine Braff explain that people often stop doing the things that originally brought them together. This can lead to a lack of enjoyment in their relationships.

Even after your relationship has found its groove, it is important to keep things fresh and fun in order to maintain a lasting bond.

Get professional help

If you and your partner are struggling to connect despite your efforts, counseling may help identify any underlying problems and assist in rebuilding intimacy, empathy, and communication.

EFT is also a type of therapy that has been shown to help people improve their emotional connection, communication, and overall relationship satisfaction.

Final thoughts

If you and your partner are not growing together emotionally and spiritually, you will eventually drift apart and be on different pages in terms of your life goals.

There are many ways to reconnect with your partner and improve your relationship. If you are having trouble reconnecting, couples counseling may be a good option for you.