In the sometimes crazy world of heterosexual dating, it may have occurred to you that you really wanted to ask a guy out. But maybe you weren’t too sure about whether that was the right thing to do or not…
Is it too bold? Does that set you up to be thought of as desperate? Maybe even masculine?
There is a lot of controversy on this topic, and if you solicit input from people you know you could get widely different answers!
If you follow politics, you may remember an interview with Michele Bachmann back a year or so ago where she shared that nice girls didn’t ask boys out – and her daughters are not permitted to do that…
I never had that conversation with my parents, but then I suspect it never even occurred to them that I would think of such a thing! Things have changed a lot since their days, or have they?
Evan Marc Katz says absolutely not on his blog – he is a dating coach for smart, strong, successful women, so he says. Use your feminine wiles to coax him into it…
On the other side of the spectrum, Dr. Dennis Neder says its more than ok, and that most men would welcome it! He also has a great suggestion, a sort of middle of the road approach, for those feeling uncertain:
Write your name and phone number of a piece of paper. Then, walk up to a guy and say, “Here.” Hand him the paper and then say, “You know, I’d really enjoy having coffee with you one day. Call me.” Then, walk away.
You see, you didn’t actually make the approach; you only opened the door and are now allowing him to walk through it if he’s interested.
Michael Mills, an associate professor of psychology at Loyola Maryount University in Los Angeles (and a contributor to Psychology Today – see his article Why Don’t Women Ask Men Out on First Dates?)Â decided to do a study with some of his students to find out how men and women felt about the subject. They asked undergraduates:
1. Who wanted to be asked out
2. Who wanted to do the asking
3. How many times had they done the asking in the last year
The gender of the people that answered the online survey were slightly skewed – 31 male, 55 female – not sure how much that impacts the results, it was almost 1:2 ratio.
Most of the women preferred to be asked out (93%) while most of the men preferred to ask (83%). What this says to me is that there are more men that would LIKE to be asked out and not so many women asking – kind of interesting, don’t you think?
Very few women had asked anyone out, which is no surprise given the response to the other question.
I’ve known many men in the past that are terrified of asking out a women, for fear of being rejected. I’m sure women don’t do much of it for that very reason (unless they are forbidden to do so – seriously?).
So why should the men be saddled with the rejection possibility on their own? Is that really fair?
At the end of the day, it boils down to doing what you are comfortable with and what you are willing to live with if you DO get rejected…
If you would think about it for the next 20 years with pain and agony, just flirt and hope he gets the message (don’t be too subtle about that either – they CAN be a bit thick sometimes!).
But if you can let rejection roll off easily, why not give it a go? It might not happen as much as you think – women on Jezebel.com report that they had the first date with their husbands BECAUSE they did the asking.
Image by epSos.de from Flickr
