By Siobhan Harmer
Moving on is easier said than done. It’s inevitable that as we move through life, we have emotional scars that are left behind by the events that hurt us most. These may have been romantic relationships, a death, jobs or places. Unfortunately, most things come to an end, and when they do, it tends to leave us filled with fear. Fear of the unknown, losing control,  letting go, moving on, or simply forgetting.
We become vulnerable to negative patterns. We may spend time dwelling on memories, instead of the future or present. The situation becomes a source of frustration and pain that we experience repeatedly, even when we don’t wish to. In order to move on, you must believe that you deserve more than this. We are constantly in a state of change, and no one deserves to or wants to remain stagnant.
If you wish to move on, here are five steps you can try that will hopefully help you begin the process.
1. Accept Your Loss and Be Thankful
If we are to take a positive attitude towards loss ,then we must at least attempt to feel gratitude for the experiences and lessons we were subjected to, and for the fact that they are now over. Be grateful for all of the possibilities that lie ahead for you, just waiting for you reach out and grab them now that your hands are empty. Embrace this feeling of appreciation and use it to fuel your journey forward.
2. Claim Ownership And Control
As is the case of many experiences in life: you are not a victim. That’s not to say that you haven’t been wronged, hurt, or are not in need of justice. But you are not weak. You are not going to sit around feeling sorry for yourself while others move on without you.
By taking control and responsibility of a situation, you can dictate how the circumstances develop and change. Claim your baggage – be it sadness, guilt, shame, regret, hope, melancholy, hate, anger or any other dreadful feeling – with your inner strength and no one else can manipulate them. You can manage how you feel and process those emotions the best you can. Try talking, meditating, writing, or drawing – anything that will help you find a solution. Live, grow, learn, and let go.
3. Create Distance
If you wish to gain perspective and clarity, it is important that you distance yourself from whatever or whomever you are holding on to, both physically and mentally. Take the time to explore something else for a while; do things you love. What makes you feel energized? Empowered? Rejuvenated? Is it exercise? Travel? Meeting new people? Embrace these experiences and forget the past for a while.
When you are ready, you can return and see things differently than how you did when immersed.
4. Focus On NOW
Our remembering selves tend to be dramatic, dreary beings that are better kept in line than set free to exaggerate and mull over everything. If we live in the past then we lose control of our futures. Take positive steps no matter how tiny or seemingly insignificant and live in the now!
5. Forgive
This may seem like the hardest thing you could possibly ever imagine doing, but there’s just one simple truth you must remember: forgiving does not mean condoning. When you forgive you let go of bitterness that is weighing you down, and you channel the energy into yourself, not into someone else. It may take time but eventually you will forgive them, the situation and yourself.
Good luck!
