I was talking to a friend of mine the other day, and she told me that her sister had recently been told by her husband that he wanted a divorce – after 33 years of marriage. She is a mess…
You don’t have to be married to someone for that long for the pain of separation to be acute – especially if you don’t WANT to get a divorce.
How do people get through these devastating life events intact?
There are things to do that will be beneficial and others that will just make it worse.
Five Actions To Take After A Divorce
1. As difficult as it may seem, the best thing you can do once the shock wears off is to Forgive. Whether you believe this was caused by you or by your ex-husband, carrying a grudge will keep you stuck in all of those negative feelings.
2. Related to the first one, let him Go. Give yourself permission to move on and don’t live in the past. Don’t try to keep track of what he is doing, and who he is doing it with.
3. Focus on the positive. Tell yourself daily that you will be OK – that you ARE OK. Do nice things for yourself. Eat healthy food, get a physical. If you have children, spend time with them, playing and relaxing.
4. Clean the house. Reorganize your closets, move the furniture around, create a different space that doesn’t remind you of “how it was.” Throw away anything that doesn’t help you.
5. Be kind to yourself, and remember that your emotions will be going through a wide range of feelings. Allow them to be and realize that you will be back on an even keel after some time. Let yourself have that time.
Five Actions To NOT Take After a Divorce
1. Don’t compensate for your loss by adopting bad habits like eating unhealthy food or too much retail therapy. Get outside and walk around in the fresh air, join a yoga class, or take up meditation instead.
2. Don’t be in a hurry to get into another relationship. The early ones have a tendency to not work out, and it can make you feel worse. It is better to wait until you have recovered to go down that road.
3. While you don’t want to dwell in the past, there are some positive memories back there that you don’t need to throw away. Every experience and every relationship helps us to grow, and become the person that we are today. Remember the good times!
4. Although it is good not to dive into another romantic relationship too quickly, don’t lock yourself up at home. Get out with friends, enjoy your relatives. Join a club, or if you already belong be sure to go to their activities.
[box type=”success” align=”aligncenter” ]YOUR MARRIAGE IS OVER, NOT YOUR LIFE![/box]
5. Don’t try to turn family or friends against him. That kind of behavior keeps you tied to the bad feelings, and can backlash on you. Don’t play the “him or me” game with people that you both know – ESPECIALLY your kids. They don’t deserve that.
