My clients and friends frequently ask me: “What do you think of (Bill or Linda?”) They want to know what you and so many other people want to know: “How do I know it’s good love?
At some point in our lives, most of us have thought we were in love with the “right” person. If that sounds like you, don’t worry. It’s not only normal to feel that way—but it’s often a good thing—for a while at least.
Why? Well, we are fortunate to be creatures who learn. And one way we all learn is through “trial and learn” and “trial and succeed!
The goal isn’t necessarily not to make a mistake—at least not a dangerous one—but to learn from these trials about you, men, women, trust, values, interests, abilities, communication, commitment, and the world!
As we grow, we change! We, hopefully, learn to be brave enough to face ourselves so we can make wiser love choices later. Think of your love history as a series of tentative choices you made with the information about you that was available at the time.
Don’t fret if you have a list of love gone wrong!
So, how do you know you got right this time? Hmm…I wish I had a crystal ball to tell me you have made a great match. You see, there is always the unknown in life. But here is a guide to help you minimize the chance of unwanted surprises. These tips come from my research with thousands of people for my book, “Smart Relationships.”
Checklist:
1. You love the person you are in the relationship. Look closely at you! Do you like the person you’ve become?
2. You’re not constantly transforming each other. Instead, you know that your differences make you strong because you bring balance, complementary strengths, and fresh points of view.
3. You don’t tune out or brush off conflicts. Smart couples face their “hot buttons.” They also know how to “Ask and Tell.” They tell their partner when something is bothering them. They ask their partner about what’s going on when they sense something is amiss.
4. You don’t rely on debilitating methods to abate happiness. Happy, healthy couples do not hide their problems by being all work and no play; by having affairs; by abusing substances; by becoming violent or abusive; and by doing any other things that you know in your heart are not smart.
5. You work in sync on the pivotal areas that divide average couples. For example, you face the most important issues such as money, in-laws and child-rearing, and time spent together and apart.
6. You possess sexual fervor for each other. Yes, sex is important. Your love-making is respectful. You also know how to rekindle passion. Often, just doing new non-sexual activities can jump-start a ho-hum sex life!
I hope these tips made you think! I wish you the best.
