Although we’ve all heard of (and most of adhere to) the phrase “no man is an island,” there will be challenges in our lives that we resolve by burning bridges. This may be with friends, relatives, or people within the workplace, and sometimes it’s actually a healthy choice to have made. However, if you begin to regret your decision to detonate a relationship and want to repair it, you may feel that your cause is hopeless.
Here are some tips for repairing your burnt bridge:
Decide Whether You Really Want This Person In Your Life
Remember, there is a reason you removed this person from your life in the first place. Before you make any steps towards the individual, you must first be sure you are moving in the right direction.
Ask yourself why you want this relationship to be repaired. Is it guilt? Keeping your enemies closer? Simply because it’s easier than continuing a rivalry? Any of these reasons are not the correct, sincere motives that should fuel your intentions.
Instead, ensure you are 100% committed to rebuilding the relationship for positive reasons. Perhaps you genuinely miss them and feel you’ve made a mistake? You realize you were wrong and did not value them enough before they were missing? You know what they say: “you don’t know what you’ve got until it’s gone.”
Take The First Steps
As with any endeavor, you must put time and energy into your task and back into the individual if you want to begin the healing process. Although you shouldn’t go in with your friendship with guns-blazing, you should take small steps towards reconnecting.
If you have deleted them off of social media, then perhaps you could try sending them a friend request or following them. Perhaps you could invite them to an event with mutual friends so you can begin talking again. If the person begins to warm to you again, then you can start taking larger steps like one-on-one meetings and so on.
Listen
When and/or if a sincere dialogue ensues, make sure that you listen to what your friend has to say. Chances are they were just as offended, hurt, and confused as your were by the situation that caused this rift in the first place.
Indulge in their side of the story and at least try to understand where they stood in the context of it all.
Apologize
This is where you must truly be vulnerable with this individual. If you are not ready to apologize, then you may need to spend some more time considering your motives. However, when you are ready make sure you ask for forgiveness and that you mean it.
The author of The Friendship Fix, Andrea Bonior, Ph.D., suggests you spend some time carefully constructing your apology: “otherwise you could find yourself rambling and apologizing for the wrong thing … thereby worsening the problem.”
To admit you were wrong is a huge undertaking that many people are not capable of. However, if you’ve managed to rebuild the relationship back up to this point, then you are probably genuinely sorry, and they probably feel as responsible as you do.
Lay Down Some New Rules
Clearly, there was some boundary crossed that resulted in the burning of bridges beforehand. Now is your chance to ensure that history does not repeat itself by setting down some guidelines. Establish reasonable boundaries and expectations, perhaps by promising not to bring up certain other people or situations, and then keep a check on them.
Be Grateful
You must always remember that this person did not have to let you back into their life. They did not have to forgive you or give you this second chance: be grateful that they did. Ensure that you never take their time, energy, and friendship for granted again and instead show consistent respect and appreciation. You should also make sure that they show you the same amount of respect: friendship is mutual!
