By Kelli Kooken
(Editor’s Note: The following is a blog from ILoveUMore.com written by Kelli Kooken about her journey through grief after the loss of her 16-year-old daughter, Skylar, in a car accident in November, 2012.)
26 days without you … I believe it is getting harder rather than easier.
I think in cases such as these, time does not heal. Time without you, Skylar, simply makes me ache for you more (as if that is even possible). I’ve thought a lot lately about the things people ask and say during times like these. And as most people realize, there just simply are NO words that can ease this pain. I’ve caught myself a few times answering “fine” to the question “how are you doing?” However, more often than not I answer truthfully and simply say “not good.”
I saw a pregnant friend of mine wearing a necklace at Skylar’s viewing that read “Due in March.” And I remarked that was such a cool idea – as a pregnant woman, you get asked a million times “when are you due?” It made me think that I wish I had a necklace, or a shirt, or flag, to wave that simply mentioned how I was feeling – or perhaps even warning people “back off, not a good day.”
I actually like that idea.
I’ve thought a lot today about all of the things Skylar will never get to experience, or what I won’t get to either with her. We were planning college visits for the fall, and Sky was adamant about Ohio State (where her dad and I attended) or Ohio University. Sky was definitely more set on OU, and I was pushing in the other direction (as a scared mom for that crazy party school, ha!). The realization that we will not get to experience those visits together has me utterly paralyzed with sadness. Also, the reality that Skylar will never get to have that college experience. There are a million things that I won’t get to see Skylar do and experience. And that realization alone is enough to bring me to my knees.
I then started thinking about all of the things in life that people take for granted (myself included). I know from November 4, 2012 on, my appreciation for even the smallest detail in life has changed. Of course, directly after an accident and tragedy of this magnitude, everyone says the same thing: “Hug your babies and loved ones extra tight tonight.”But I also see people forget that very soon and get busy with life again.
I pray that my blog gets read and shared so that others are reminded daily that the people in your life are what matters. Not the car you drive, the house you live in, the vacation you are taking, the job you hold, the promotion you are seeking. Just the people. Many times that realization comes way too late for people, and then their loved ones are already gone. Then they are left with a mound of guilt.
I loved my baby girl with all my heart and soul. And I love the relationship that we had, and the honesty and love that we shared. Sky was one special individual, and not just because she was my daughter – more so because she simply loved her family and friends and lived every day in the moment.
God blessed me with 4 precious babies. I know that it is my job to return them to Him some day. I never dreamed that I would have to return Skylar so soon in life, or even in my lifetime. But I thank Him for the 16 1/2 years he gave all of us with her.
“Though he brings grief, He will show compassion, so great is His unfailing love.” – Lamentations 3:32
