The Difference Between NEEDING And WANTING A Man

I am not a male-basher.

I don’t hate men.In fact, I appreciate them for all the qualities that I do not have. Men, to women, are like a glove. If you find the right one, it just fits. You don’t have to force or fake it. It just works.Lately, my dad has been away on business, and there are some things in the house, like the toolbox, that my dad loves but it is not easily accessible to us. I needed that toolbox because I had to remove the license plate off of my car to be able to use it for another car. I was using a flat heads screwdriver at 11 o’clock at night with a pile of snow everywhere.  Now, realize that my dad is like 6 feet and weighs probably a solid 275 pounds, easily. I am standing outside in the cold singing the mantra “righty tighty, lefty loosey” trying to unscrew screws that a man twisted so tight just so that his baby girl would never get her license plates stolen. With enough singing, the screws were loosened, and I ran to my house. Satisfied that I did it. I did it.I came in and shook the snow off my boots and my sister said, “Look, Talya, you don’t need a man.” I threw the biggest tantrum and exclaimed back at her,”All women need men! How else am I going to procreate?”Once the words left my mouth, I knew that it was time to do some soul searching. Do women need men?

Need: Something that you have to have
Want: Something that you would like to have

My sister was right, “I don’t need a man.”

I believe that needing a man comes from a deep internal lack that breeds  fear, insecurity, doubt, loneliness, desperation, rejection, abandonment, and shame. That list is not exhaustive. I can probably come up with millions of other words to describe not feeling adequate enough to be alone. The mentality that you have to have a man will leave you always seeking for a love that you will never be able to find. Your love life will be a never ending revolving door because after one break-up, you’ve already moved on to the next. Let’s be realistic. One door can’t close unless you’ve healed, and that is why you need a man to cover up the insecurities. In this state, you will gladly take anyone because you are desperate for love, attention, and affection.

Now, if you see the shenanigans of needing a man, then you’re ready to have an “I want a man mentality.”

When you want a man, you won’t settle for just anything because you know your worth. You see yourself as valuable. You see yourself as special. You see yourself as having a lot of good to add to someone’s life, and you’ve done everything that you can possible do to be in the best relationship, not with somebody else, but with yourself. Wanting a man comes from a deep internal sufficient reservoir that breeds hope, security, certainty, love, peace, acceptance, self-control, and honor.  You are adequate being alone because you know that it is part of the journey, and all journeys must come to an end.

When you arrive at your destination, you will look back and realize that the time spent with yourself were the best moments of your life. And eventually, you will meet another soul that has an internal sufficient reservoir and both of you will pour abundantly into each other.

By wanting him, you will need him for all the right reasons, and the two shall become one.

P.S. You are more than enough, not because of who you are, but because of whose you are. ​

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