Are You In The Wrong Job? A Five Question Quiz

By Mary Miller

1. Are you trying to get answers from Google?

2. Have you watched Office Space more times than you’d like to admit?

3. Do Sunday nights make you break out in a cold sweat?

4. Are you no longer able to manage your stress like you once could?

5. Do you often escape into the bathroom during a meeting to scream, cry, or punch something due to frustration?

If you answered yes to the majority of these questions, then you are probably in the wrong job. Your job fits you as well as your 5 year old’s sweater. The problem is that it’s a really well-paying job, and you have no idea what you’d do instead.

That is why…you’re still there…with a reoccurring case of the “Mundays.” But your grip on the ladder is starting to fail you and you don’t know how much longer you can hang on.

The good news is that you’re the architect of your own life. Yes – your life. This isn’t just about your career; it’s about your life.

Here’s what you can do about it.

Stop to think about what is causing your stress? Look for your triggers

• Write down why this is the “job from hell” – be specific. What doesn’t fit (i.e. too many details, no time to think etc)?

• Now take that and turn each negative statement into a positive one (i.e. I get to work on one project at a time, I have time to think & plan – it’s part of my job)

• Which parts of your job do you like?

• When did you stop liking your job?

• Now for the hard one…does part of the loathing you have for your job come from your attitude? If so, how?

Don’t be like the 52.3% of Americans who are unhappy with their jobs (2014, Conference Board, the New York-based nonprofit research group). Chose to do something about it! To do something about it NOW click here.

Corporate America: Should I Stay Or Should I Go?

By Mary Miller

A while back, I was at a conference, and one of the speakers used the word assimilation. That word makes me cringe because the expectation of someone needing to “fit into” a cultural standard often strips away much needed creativity and innovation. There are already too many people who don’t use their unique gifts to make this world a better place. Many times, in Corporate America, this is because they simply feel like they can’t. But the pressure that comes with not being yourself builds over time, and you are faced with this question: Corporate America – should I stay or should I go?

For those who find the corporate world starting to feel like a wool sweater that is gradually giving you red marks all over your upper body – well, this article is for you. Perhaps you are on your way up the corporate ladder and you’re not sure how much further you really want to go. You have been thinking more about how you want to leave your mark and what you really want to do with your life. Maybe you dream about having more time to think, more space, more autonomy, using your gifting, exploring your passions, having more freedom in your lifestyle etc. With all of these thoughts you may start seeing Corporate American as the enemy. Though more often than naught we are our own enemy because we choose not to make a choice even when we know we need to.

That is exactly what I’m going to help you do today … decide … using an unconventional approach. As Oscar Wilde once said “Life imitates art far more than art imitates Life.”

Let’s get started:

1. “Should I stay or should I go now?”

Is Corporate America a barrier to claiming your dreams, is it a part of your dreams or is it helping you to achieve them? If you know you are an Entrepreneur, deep down, start talking to those who have taken the plunge to prepare yourself. If you just need more time in your life, consider asking your boss about cutting back your hours, taking unpaid vacation (or ask for more paid vacation), going part-time, participate in a job sharing program. If there isn’t such a thing as a job sharing program work to create one. You’ll never know what is possible if you don’t ask the question.

2. “If I go, there will be trouble”

How do you handle stress? Be honest with yourself. One positive thing about being in an uncomfortable situation is that it teaches you perseverance. If you haven’t begun to master this area of your life don’t expect your dreams to fix all of your problems. Why? Because claiming your dreams also has stress associated with it. Yes it is driven by hope and passion, more so than fear, but stress is still stress good or bad. The financial and time stresses involved in claiming your dreams requires resiliency skills to navigate through these actions and decisions.

3. “And if I sta, it will be double”

Maybe your work situation is diminishing your quality of life. You have to weigh your health against the income you earn each month. Maybe taking a less stressful job is the answer. Or maybe your choice is to stay to help change the culture. Which is an admirable dream and one which takes great mental and physical resilience, determination and real love for the people you work with. Staying is often the hardest thing to do because you have to live in the current culture until it’s changed.

4. “So come on and let me know”

Maybe you read the title of this article and thought I’d tell you what to do. Sorry to disappoint but weather you stay or go is up to you. This article is meant to take you through the thought process of what is best for you and to consider both sides of the equation. Many people will tell you what you should do but you have to decide for yourself. It’s your life, your dreams, your future.

5.  “This indecision’s bugging me”

Why do you want to stay? Why do you want to go? Making a decision without addressing “why” is really more of a reaction than an intentional decision. What have you been reacting to? And what are you procrastinating doing? The sooner you find out your why, the root cause for your actions, you will be that much closer to your answer.

6. “If you don’t want me, set me free”

What is the corporate culture like where you work? Is it a good fit for you? Do you need structure? Or does it suffocate you? Do you feel like when you go against the grain that it’s grounds for termination or is it welcomed and accepted? Does working in a building stifle your creativity? If you were living on your own terms what would your day look like? Where would you work? If you were free, what does that freedom look like to you? Once you know what you need you can create some of that freedom in your current and future work environments.

7. “Exactly whom I’m supposed to be”

If you have “grown up” in Corporate America your identity slowly changes as you begin to assimilate into the culture you work in. This can squash you as an individual and create a fake form of alignment within the workplace. What’s worse is that no organization, or person, can be truly aligned if they are not being their unique authentic self. Start setting aside time, start digging into your own identity. Discover who you’re supposed to be (to do that click here)

Which song verse did you most identify with? What will you decide?

Song Lyrics by The Clash, “Should I Stay or Should I Go” remaining content @2014, Mary R Miller

7 Signs That Fear Motivates You, Not Your Dreams

By Mary Miller

I was reminded the other day that I “used to be” a management guru. Even though that is not my passion or dream, hearing that still hurt. That one comment brought back a flood of memories of when I had my Bushiness Coaching business; which I shutdown for a variety of reasons.

That day was a double whammy. I was also getting to know a new friend and the questions “What happened with the business?” and “Why did you stop coaching ?” came up. I am now able to answer these questions without avoidance tactics like “Did you see that new movie?” or “Why is it so flipping cold in Ohio?” I’ve never been much for small talk so writing this makes me literally LOL when I look at my avoidance tactics face-to-face.

The answer to all of these questions is simply that I was running towards the wrong thing. I was not running towards my dreams but away from my fears. I picked the wrong door, yet at the time, I didn’t know that. Like everyone else, I have blind spots and when I make up my mind to do something I can be like a pit bull. My CPA, my lawyer, my parents and my husband all told me I was crazy. Over time I wore my husband down but he was still less than thrilled about investing over $100,000 on a new business endeavor. But when someone or something is standing in the way between you and your perceived freedom you simply don’t listen.

Desperation and fear overpowered logic. The harsh reality was that instead of taking the time to fix me, to work on me, I did what was easier – I escaped my situation (see ideal situation chaser). And friend I do not recommend this…that is why I am writing, to save you the grief of going after the wrong dream because you are motivated by the wrong thing…fear.

How do you know when the source of your motivation is fear not hope? What are the signs that you’re running away from your fears and not towards your dreams? Below are the signs, I see now, when I look at my own situation.

1. Large Risks Don’t Make You Blink.

If you are so miserable and burned out from living a life that you weren’t intended to live, that a risky business deals sounds better than staying the course for another minute, you are being driven by fear.

2. You Stop Listening to Everyone.

Friends or family mustard up the courage to speak truth in love to you which is hard to do (especially if you are hard headed). You nod politely and pretend to listen but you are already implementing your new idea in your head. You don’t even consider the cons(s) in this scenario because, to you, they are negligible. Logic has left the building…

3. You Feel Like a Fake.

Once you start implementing what I’ll call the “false” dream others start to tell you that you are brave for venturing out, that you have guts and are fearless. All of this encouragement makes you feel like a fake because you are scared out of your mind. Not nervous excitement from starting something new but fear that if you don’t get this right you will have to go back to the world you escaped from.

4. Implementing Your “False” Dream is Like Banging Your Head Against a Wall.

Starting up a new venture and dream does take hard work but you should have more good days then bad. It should not drain the life out of you but make you feel free. If you’re not having fun, overall, then you have the wrong dream. If you dread working on it, it’s the wrong dream. If words of passion don’t flow out of you when you tell someone about it, it’s the wrong dream.

5. You Are Worried About Your Competitors.

This goes along with #4. When you are are headed towards your “false” dream you live out of scarcity not abundance. You fear the other people who do what you do; fear that they will take people away from you as if you own your customers. You can’t imagine how to partner and are ready to fight to protect your turf. The flip side, is when you are living in the right dream you could care less what others do. You simply do what you do. Serve who you serve. You don’t have time for, want or need the distraction of scarcity. You start to see opportunities to partner and collaborate.

6. You Are Willing to Lose It All to Make it Work.

Just like number 2, logic has left the building. Your biggest fear is failure. Maybe you have never failed at anything in your life and you’re not going to fail at this. Come hell or high water you will GET THIS TO WORK. Yeah – I’ve been there and what looks like hard work and determination is really pride. In the final stages, of the decision making process to shut my Business Coaching business down, I asked myself this question “If pride is the ONLY reason I am continuing this business is that the right one?” The answer was no. Pride and admitting failure is really not losing it all. I already lost our entire retirement, my health, on and on. I was not willing to lose my husband too; that is where I drew the line.

7. You Become Narcissistic.

This is really the root of the blind spots. We become so determined to make SOMETHING work that we only focus on us. We become obsessed with making our dream work – we eat, sleep and breathe it and become out of balance. A perfect example of this is Steve Jobs. I believe that he was driven by fear – He was as Narcissistic as they come if I believe what I read. Was he living his dream? I honestly don’t think so. I think he lost his soul in the process and lost his life which perhaps he began to recover later in life. Like Steve Jobs I also had a single track mind for a time. But when we only live for us, and if it goes on for too long, we end up standing alone…and if we succeed we become respected for what we did not who we are. I don’t know about you but that is not my dream…

Do you see yourself in any of the 7 signs? Will you chose to re-direct? Your REAL dream is worth the wait.

Planning: 7 Ways To Ensure This Will Be A GREAT Year

By Mary Miller

Don’t you love the New Year? You get to start over. Your hope is renewed. If you do, you’re not alone. Many people love this time of year, yet few enjoy planning for it…

Planning can be overwhelming. There are 52 weeks, 365 days and 8,760 hours to plan for. Yikes!

I, too, have wrestled with planning. Ourselves, friends, and experts often add to the issue with complex planning tools. Then add to that mix other unknowns such as: you may not have a vision, you may not know what you want to do, you may not know how to make a change or start something new, etc.

I’ve learned to think of dreams as a “destination,” and think of planning as a “tool for success.” This year is just a part of your journey … you just need to take one step … at … a … time …

Maybe this year is the year you define your dreams, maybe it’s the year you execute them, or maybe it’s a year of exploration into yourself to rediscover who you are.

Your dreams are as unique as you are. It’s YOUR journey … no two journeys are exactly alike … your individuality matters.

Okay, so wherever you are in your journey, you are about to embark on the trip of a lifetime. Humor me for a moment – look in the mirror and say to yourself “Planning is easy and fun!” Okay, got it?

Now work through these 7 tips below.

1. Whoa – Not So fast!

Before you try to jump into this New Year – reflect on last year. What was good? What was bad? What did you learn? What would you change?

2. Define Your Destination.

Write down one reason why you are looking forward to this year? Only one. This will give you focus.

3. Take a Step.

What is a single step that will take you in the direction of the destination you defined in #2?

4. Set Your GPS.

Set a few top level goals related to your destination. These are just additional steps to get you to where you want to go.

5. Check Where You’re Headed.

Once you have taken the first few steps, check to make sure you’re headed in the direction of your destination. Have you deviated too much and gotten off track? Intentional deviations and changes are all good – plans can change. But unintentional deviations are often caused my distractions, shiny objects, and procrastination.

6. Don’t travel alone.

Life is so much better with travel companions. Share your excitement for 2015 with your close friends; tell them what your destination is. Hire a coach or ask a good friend to be an accountability partner. This is helpful for motivation and provides a reality check for when you get off course.

7. Remember: It’s Your Journey.

Life doesn’t happen to you. You construct it and reconstruct it after the storms. You’re in control of YOU. So if you are really looking forward to 2015 because of your destination – there is no reason why you can’t take steps towards it. That, my friend, is up to you.

How does your new year feel now?

Tell Perfectionism Where to Shove It

By Mary Miller

Having IT all is the American dream. Growing up, we are told that striving for this dream is an opportunity not to be wasted. We are told that we should be grateful and not squander or waste our lives on something that won’t be successful. Success in our formative years meant becoming a doctor, lawyer, or anything that made a lot of money. It meant being a great mom, a great wife, to become outstanding in your community – all to give your parents a lot of bragging ammo. Expectations were high because we had so many more opportunities than our mothers.

It’s no wonder that many Generation X Women are perfectionists. We were raised to be. We were praised when we followed the rules, when we were quiet, when our hair was neat, when we looked pretty, when we were productive, and especially when we “made it” (AKA: accomplished something).

Somehow in our well-intended upbringing, many of us became idols instead of people. We represented a life our parents, teachers, and other influences wanted but did not have. Some of our parents often felt guilty because they were home less often since they were busy making money to create this life.

Did you know that Generation X is often referred to as the latchkey or divorce generation? “Divorce rates, which peaked around 1980, are now at their lowest level since 1970. In fact, the often-cited statistic that half of all marriages end in divorce was true only in the 1970s—in other words, our parents’ marriages.” (The Divorce Generation”, WSJ).

Our folks did the best they could and Lord knows we were not easy to raise or get through to. Yet somehow in the midst of all this, the “Me” generation, the generation seen as independent, we forgot who we were. We began to strive to be all things to all people and at age 30, 35, or 40 we are now at a crossroads looking back at the road we have traveled – perhaps with a pair of Golden handcuffs on saying: What the hell is “IT” anyways? Is all this worth it?

We’re tired and want to quit some days; sometimes it feels like we are living a life that does not fulfill our souls. Yet we tell ourselves to put on our big girl panties and solider on. Then our crazy life repeats itself until we are numb … and for what? If we’re going to fight and be sleep deprived, let it be from something that matters.

So why does this matter? And what does this have to do with perfectionism? Our formative years shape who we are. The way we grow up and these exceptions create environmental perfectionism. Even if you do not have a perfectionist personality, my bet is that you have learned to become a perfectionist due to your environment. A perfectionist is someone whose goal is to be flawless and who sets excessively high performance standards, accompanied by overly critical self-evaluations and concerns regarding others’ evaluations.

While perfectionism can create a drive like no other, it also lies to you! Perfectionism lies to you and tells you that unless you are perfect, you are not worth anything. You don’t matter enough to have your own dreams, your own ideas, your own life doing what makes you happy, being who God created you to be.

So are you ready to fight perfectionism and tell it to shove it? Then … EVERYDAY this week take note of anytime you say these words or phrases. STOP and think about why you are saying this and what you could say instead. Slowly look for situations where you can let go of perfection.

• “should”
• “have to”
• “what will they think”
• “If I could just…”
• “What’s my problem?”
• “Why can’t I do anything right?”
• What has perfectionism cost you?

What has perfectionism cost you?

Throw Away The Cookie Cutter

By Mary Miller

Have you ever had a dream you thought was real? So real that you were just about to throw down in a fist fight to stand up for what you believed in? Yep, that happened to me.

Picture this. I was at a High School graduation telling the students to forget about what society tells them and to define their own American Dream – their own version of success. And to add to the drama, then I threw cookie cutters at the oppressors symbolizing I did not agree with their ways. And as I prepared to get accosted … I woke up …

Isn’t it funny how dreams are sometimes not that far off from reality? As a society we give lip service to individuality, but when someone tries to be their true self, they are shut down, scolded, or worse. It’s not a secret that not everyone was made to achieve a Ph.D., start a business, climb the corporate ladder, or to stay home and raise a family. You get the point! We were all born with unique gifts and talents which enriches this world IF we use them.

Yet when I ask people how THEY … not their parents, teachers, family, spouse … but how THEY define success, they often say “No one has ever asked me that before.” Well my friend, I’m asking you today. How do you define your version of success? How do you throw away the cookie cutter?

Here are 5 tips to help you answer that question:

1. Repeat After Me: “I Am Not Selfish.”

Realize that defining your version of success is not selfish. Maybe you have a good job, a great husband, a nice family, but you are living your mom or dad’s version of success – and you’re miserable! Let me share a secret with you – you are not the only one! But think about this – to not let your individual light shine is actually selfish. Why? Because we all miss out on who you could become.

2. Pay Attention to Your Day Dreams.

What do you day dream about? Going on a mission trip, teaching horseback riding, inventing something, writing a book, helping people, solving math problems, editing stories, crime scene investigation, owning a farm, flying a plane … fill in the blank. Your day dreams will give you clues for defining your own version of success.

3. Listen to Others’ Comments.

What do others say you do well? Do you put information together like no one else they know? Can you bridge a tough communication gap? Are you known for reading way too many self-help books? Listen to what others are saying about your uniqueness.

4. Observe Yourself As You Play “The Game.”

Yes, life is a game that is all about connection and fitting in. How do you play that game? What part of your identify do you give up when you play? This will tell you more about your true skills, talents, and abilities.

5. Self-Discovery.

Take a personality/strengths test (i.e. Myer Briggs, DISC, Strength Finder etc.), take a personal development class, enroll in a mentor program, go to a conference, hire a coach, spend time with yourself to re-discover your strengths.

Which of these 5 tips will you put into action TODAY?

The 4 Letter Word You Need More Of In Your Life

By Mary Miller

I have said my share of 4 letter words. I “grew up” in manufacturing. Sometimes it was just a way to communicate. And other times, it was a way to make myself feel better even if it was for a couple of minutes. Then I tried to stop swearing, and would swear because I swore … ever done that one?

I’ve since learned that words are very powerful. They are the first outward expression of our thoughts and a step towards our actions. They can make or break your or someone else’s day. They can make or break relationships. They can confuse people, enrage people, comfort people, and help people.

Have you ever had one of those days where it seems like everyone else is speaking a different language? Some days, communication can be so frustrating that you’ll be tempted to throw out a 4 letter word – maybe one that start with an “F” or “S.” Well, go for it. But try one that starts with an “H” … “H.O.P.E.” It may just help!

• H

Are your words helpful?

Do the words you speak help the other person you are talking to? Are they constructive? This includes what you say to yourself when you’re by yourself. If you wouldn’t say something to a friend, then don’t say it to yourself. When people talk to you, are they trying to be helpful but don’t know how? How can you guide them?

• O

Are your words objective?

Have you jumped to conclusions by reading into what someone else is saying which ended up not being what they meant at all? How many times has this happened to you? How many times have you had to back pedal and say these words “What I meant was X.” As best as you can, stick to words that are direct, impartial, and unbiased. Let people know what you mean. And if you don’t know what they mean, don’t assume. ASK!

• P

Do your words consider perspective?

When you chose your words, do you put yourself in the listeners’ shoes? Or after listening to someone else, do you take note of the words they use and perhaps understand more about their point of view? Remember that you are talking to communicate – not to just hear yourself talk.

• E

Do your words encourage others?

With all the negativity in the world, wouldn’t it be nice if you chose to encourage others? If someone is vulnerable and shares a new idea, what can you say to encourage them? Asking questions about their idea can build them up – or even just listening to them. Which words encourage you? How can you use them to build yourself up?

How can you add more H.O.P.E. to your life TODAY?

3 Ways To Slow Down Before You Crash

By Mary Miller

You live life in the fast lane often going 15 – 20 MPH over the speed limit. Stop looking around. Yes! I’m talking to you. It’s ok – I’m not a cop. And shhh! I’ve done it too.

Why do we do this to ourselves? Why do we push our bodies and minds so hard? To answer that question, let’s talk about how I spend my weekends from March to October – at a race car track.

I love cars and speed. This is one reason why my husband and I started our race team. Working on cars has taught me to respect them. Our race car was built for performance. To ensure it performs, for each race, we must maintain it. The engine oil is changed after each race, we place extra cooling fans on the engine after every run, and we monitor its temperature.

That’s a lot of work for an inanimate object isn’t it? How do you think our racing season would go if had a broken-down engine, no oil, and a gas tank that’s on empty? Not so good, right?

But this is exactly what we do to ourselves. We spend our day at full throttle going 90 MPH. No cooling fan, no time for an oil change, no pit stop, and we expect to not breakdown or crash. And when we have no mental capacity left, that’s when we work on ourselves and attempt to dream.

So take a deep breath and repeat after me:

I will take my foot off of the gas pedal for 30 seconds to read the rest of this article because I am WAY MORE valuable than a car.

Okay, keep reading and keep breathing … and keep that foot off of the peddle!

Here are 3 ways to slow down:

1.  Give Yourself a Ticket.

Admit it. You know you’re speeding.  You see the signs and you know you’re going way over the speed limit.  Now look at your life.  Is your to-do list crazy?  Do you see any unscheduled time on your calendar?  Did you just read this article and forgot what it was about?  Then write yourself a ticket!  The fine?  Unplug from Facebook, take a bath, read a book, work out to burn off that extra energy.  Do whatever you need to do so that you will slow down.

2.  Change Your Oil.

You just went through an entire month that was crazy busy, and you have no idea what you did. Take a few hours, whenever it is possible, and step back to reflect on what you accomplished.  Reflect on what worked and what didn’t, and then plan for next month.  You’ll be amazed at all you’ve accomplished and the things that didn’t matter.

3.  Let Someone Else Drive.

You are used to being in charge.  You don’t like the way other people drive, and you’re a horrible back seat driver.  The good news is that you’re not responsible for running the world – so stop trying!  When you get the chance be part of the team, take it.  Let someone else gain an opportunity to showcase their leadership abilities and take a break.

How will you chose to slow down today before you crash?

Outside the Box: 3 Reasons to Stop Going Back In

By Mary R. Miller

There is a little trinket that sits on my desk. You press a button and it says, “Excuse me! Excuse me! Can you let me out of here?” If you could hear it, you would get a good chuckle by it, just like I do.

After the laugher dies down, your mind may wander with random thoughts like: “Man it would stink to live in a box!” or “Now that’s a lack of vitamin D!” or even “Boy, my Chiropractor would be mad at me for ruining my posture!”

Now let me ask you: do you want to pay it forward today by helping this little man? Great. Then let’s get this sad little guy out of his box! Ok here goes…

The box door is open. He looks at the door and steps out stumbling. His legs are wobbly from lack of use. He shivers as if to say it’s cold outside of the box. He takes a few more steps and looks around. He doesn’t see anyone or anything familiar – he feels alone. After 5 minutes he looks back at the box – with a bit of longing for the familiar. Maybe he stays out of his box for 5 minutes, 8 hours, a week, or 26 days. But he reaches a pivotal point where he just can’t do it anymore and he submits to what he remembers as a cozy warm box and climbs back in.

Are you shaking your head right now? Poor sad little guy. Before you judge him too harshly, isn’t this really what we do when we try to change? And what we do when we get really honest with ourselves? We struggle to find our way. We struggle to understand our true identity, and then try recognize the lies we were told by society about who we ‘should’ be. It’s easier to stay where we are, not risk too much, and not venture out too far.

Even if the box is stifling and restrictive, we are familiar with it. And we have let the lies that box us in become our friend. We have believed that the risk carries a higher cost than comfort. So there we are stuck in our comfort zone … it’s like a drug.

Why do we do this? Maybe it’s because once we’re outside we don’t know how to walk in our own uniqueness. No one can really tell us how to be ourselves or do the work for us. No one has gone before us on our own journey except for us.

We try going it alone, to be strong, to be brave. And like the sad little man, we are stricken with self-doubt each step into the unknown. Every time things don’t go as planned, we crawl back into the box. If our feelings get hurt, if we fail fail, or if we’re exhausted, our instinct is to go back in. Over time, we become demoralized, give up, and simply start rationalizing that things aren’t so bad.

How do we stop this madness? The answer is that we learn to live and enjoy life outside the box. Here are 3 Ways to Stop Going Back into Your Box. I use them myself to stay positive, to keep learning, to keep getting back up and innovating after life didn’t work out as planned.

1. Opportunity

Opportunity lives outside of your comfort zone. You can only see what’s possible when you open doors. And since you can’t see from a closed box, the first door you need to open is your own. Try new things, enter into new conversations, go to new places, have deeper conversations, ask more questions, eat different foods, park in a different spot. Do it all.

2. Freedom

Once you’re outside your box, you’ll have freedom from your “shoulds.” You can carve your own road and create a space where you can be creative. Use your passion for good, to dream, and to live. These actions are exhilarating and life-altering. Remind yourself that you’d rather live out loud than be comfortable.

3. Community

This is two-fold – you need others, and others need you. We were not created to be isolated. And it doesn’t help anyone if you are not who you were created to be. Your growth and change, from the inside out, benefits yourself and society. And you can’t have community if we are all behind closed doors shut in boxes.

What can you do today to start enjoying life outside of your box?