Category Archives for Happiness & Joy

The Essence of Being a Woman

By Anisha Joshi

For many years of my life so far, I was a tom boy. The reason was obvious. I grew up in a patriarchal society where I was supposed to reach home by 8 p.m., but the boys of my age went out at that time. Moreover, all the news and media coverage about the atrocities against women, shook me. I used to hate men because I felt they can do almost anything anytime.

Gradually, things started changing. I moved out of my native place. I met people. My perceptions changed. I changed. I started taking charge of my life. I started learning the art of keeping my emotions under my control. I started loving myself a bit more because I am a woman. I realized what an amazing thing it is to be feminine and yet strong at the same time. I started supporting feminist thoughts.

I still remember, on a random train journey, I met a guy who was excited about organizing a Pink Panther race for women. Women being the CEOs, being the pilots, operating huge machines, writing award-winning novels, raising voices against them, while being the mothers, daughters, wives, girlfriends, and much more. So, I have my own reasons for being super happy and super proud that I am a woman.

On this International Women’s Day, I want to write a few lines for every beautiful lady out there:

Being a woman,
You are strong
You are able
You are beautiful
You are eternally pure
You are glory
You are grace
You are elegance
You are natural
You are untouched
You are pure
You are the power
You are the smile
You are love
You are life
You create history
You add colors
You add mind-blowing mysteries
You add the walks and talks
You are perfect
You are complete

Just as strong and pious as Mother Mary
Just as perfect as Goddess Durga

You are complete within yourself.
You don’t need anyone to complete your existence.
But, someone needs you to complete his existence.

I personally adore the way Hindu Mythology has depicted Goddess Durga – open hair, wearing sari, jewelry – the feminine aspects, alongside the strength and ability to stand and rectify the wrong – holding a head of demon with dropping blood. This is the real woman – the one who is strong enough to face anything. The one who is independent, the one who has the confidence in herself and lives her life the way she wants. Yet she cares for her family, she loves her near and dear ones. The beauty of being a woman is this essence of being complete.

Happy Woman’s Day!!

Let’s cherish the existence of women, not just today but every day.
Let’s begin a new beginning, where women are seen with respect and complete perfection each day.

Cheers to all the women.
Cheers to all the men who read this.

How to Get Rid of Guilt in One Day

By Steve Goodier

In Turin, Italy, an anonymous citizen wrote the tax office enclosing 10,000 Lira in the envelope and explained he had cheated on his income tax. He said it caused him to lose his appetite. Then he added, “If my appetite doesn’t improve I’ll send the rest.”

It sounds like an easy weight loss program, but I don’t think it could work for me. Guilt doesn’t keep me from eating. It has kept me awake more than once, however.

William Wirt Winchester’s widow Sarah built a bizarre mansion in San Jose, California, to assuage her feelings of remorse. It is a house built over a 38-year period at a cost of over five million dollars. The 160 room house has stairways that lead to blank walls, corridors that lead to un-openable doors, 13 bathrooms, 13 stair steps, 13 lights to a chandelier, 13 windows to a room…strange.

Her husband was the son of Oliver Fisher Winchester, manufacturer of the famous Winchester repeating rifle. The house is referred to as the “guilt house,” and was conceived as a never-ending building project to provide a home for spirits of those killed by Winchester rifles. Instead of addressing her grief and remorse in more therapeutic ways, Sarah’s project occupied the rest of her life.

The late Erma Bombeck called guilt “the gift that keeps on giving.” (She also said she came from a family of pioneers – said her mother invented guilt in 1936.) And it CAN be a gift that keeps on giving when it isn’t laid to rest. It can keep on giving problems to everyone it touches – emotional, physical and spiritual. It seems that if we don’t find a way to deal with it, guilt may deal with us in some frightening ways.

Do you have unresolved guilt? I’m not talking about “good” guilt, the feelings of shame or remorse that keep us from doing something incredibly stupid or hurtful. I mean unnecessary guilt. Over-anxiety and self-loathing about that which can no longer be changed.

If so, it may help to remember that:

● In one day you can recognize where your feelings of guilt come from.
● In one day you can decide to make necessary amends to those you may have hurt.
● In one day you can decide to ask for forgiveness from others.
● In one day you can exercise your spiritual power and choose to be at one with God and the universe.
● In one day you can decide to be gentler with yourself and allow yourself to experience the healing balm of acceptance.
● In one day you can resolve to learn from the past and not repeat your behavior.
● In one day you can choose to do something constructive with that guilt, and then continue every day until it is only a memory.

And best of all, that one day can be today.

Reset Your Life: And Get A Free Flight!

By Cierra Savatgy-King

Do you want to think right, feel good and become a better you? We have the perfect way for you to start the new year healthier, happier, and experiencing a Belize vacation you’re most likely in need of.

Get a *free flight* to Reset Retreat, a women’s personal growth and yoga retreat in adventurous Hopkins, Belize when you book your retreat. The retreat is providing flights from various US cities, including Los Angeles, Houston, Dallas, Austin, Corpus Christi, San Antonio, New York City, Oklahoma City, Miami, Boston, and Newark. If your city is not listed, don’t worry. They are providing an equally discounted amount off the retreat for guests located in other cities.

“We love to pamper our guests,” says co-founder Natalie Jenkins, “and having the opportunity to be their personal concierge for this retreat is amazing. It’s just another way to provide our guests with an exceptional experience.”

To take advantage of the offer, which expires January 15, 2016, simply sign-up here to receive your complimentary code for the February 19 – 24, 2016 retreat. (See terms)

The retreat is all inclusive and highlights the best of Belize while focusing on the best of its guests. Reset Retreat helps you release yourself from bad habits, toxic relationships, needy friends, family and unappreciative coworkers by giving you the time and space to heal, reset and grow. The luxury private villa, Villa Verano, is a perfect setting to combine personal growth with exceptional experiences. Enjoy daily yoga, life coaching sessions, cultural explorations, tropical adventures and relaxation and make a resolution to allow yourself to become the priority.

Interested in ways to reset at home? Check out these blogs… You deserve it.
10 daily things to reset your patterns
How to add mindfulness to your everyday
Simple reminders to love yourself

How To Avoid The 7 Deadly Sins Of Value-Breaching

By Dan Munro

Before we talk about the 7 deadly sins of value-breaching, let’s first discuss what it means to live by your values. This concept is core to all of my work, and I believe it to be the foundation of self-confidence. It is the cure to neuroticism, helplessness, and lack of purpose.

Living by values is about knowing the difference between the Real Self (who you are being right now), the Ought Self (who you’ve been conditioned into believing you ‘should’ be), and the Ideal Self (the person you wish you were, living by your values consistently). Quite often we are confused about the difference between our core values and the expectations of others. If you’re not sure, I suggest you read this

When you live by your values you won’t feel any need to explain your behaviour to yourself (e.g. “I didn’t say hi to that girl because she’s on the phone”), because you’ll feel deeply satisfied with your actions. You’ll know deep down you did the right thing for you. Explaining it to others will seem pointless, because you’ll feel that it has nothing to do with them.

Conversely, whenever you have to justify, rationalise or otherwise explain your own behaviour to yourself or others, there’s a good chance you’ve breached your values and are trying to rid yourself of the guilt associated with this.

With valued-living you are following a code, but it’s about motives, not rules. You are not bound to what you do, instead you focus on WHY you do it. It’s all about reason and purpose. Values may look different in actions from one day to the next, but the reasons for those actions are consistent, e.g. to be honest, or courageous.

This style of living is all about action – thinking and talking about your values is not the same as living by them. Stop telling people you are [insert value here, e.g. honest], and show them you are instead.

HOW DO WE KNOW IF WE ARE NOT LIVING BY OUR VALUES?

Learn to recognise the feeling I call The Authenticity Gap – a shameful sensation of conflict between your Real Self and your Ideal Self (after filtering out the distraction of the Ought Self). This guilt usually arrives some time after the action is taken, and often is most recognisable as regret for missed opportunities. Any time you think “I should have done X”, you are probably experiencing The Authenticity Gap.

This guilt about past actions, based on how they let you down, is related to your beliefs about what is ‘right’. In an emotional moment, such as feeling afraid, it’s easy to forget what we believe is right. Later on, upon reflection, we realise we did not live by our values. Valued-living, when done right, will never leave you feeling guilty.

The Authenticity Gap is caused by your normal human desire to stay in your comfort zone. It’s all about safety. We are most likely to sacrifice our values for the perception of safety, such as a secure relationship, career, or finances. To engage in valued-living, we must be willing to risk all of these things and more.

Values require you to accept that you have nothing to lose.

Generally the question becomes “Would I rather be safe or have integrity?” – you will rarely be able to guarantee both at the same time. Think about this: people can stop loving you at any time, redundancy is always a marketplace-shift away, and money is easily lost; so there’s no such thing as safety! You may as well aim for values; at least you have control over those.

THE 7 DEADLY SINS – HOW ARE YOU BREACHING YOUR VALUES?

So let’s have some fun with this and look at how people breach their values. For the sake of context I thought it would be interesting to use the 7 deadly sins as a basis for this. After each I’ve listed some values you could focus on to rid yourself of the sin. Here we go…

WRATH – Trying to get retribution because you feel something has been taken from you. This often follows irrational blaming of external sources for your internal pain, such as thinking that society is at fault for you having low self-worth. Wrath builds from feeling that life is somehow “unfair” and that you are entitled to ‘pay-back’. At its worst, wrath involves wanting others to suffer to appease your own suffering.

Examples: not allowing someone into your lane when you’re mad about traffic; talking crap about someone when you feel they have betrayed you; hitting someone when you’re upset.

Values breached: abundance, acceptance, giving, love.

GREED – Neediness through seeking of external validation, often demonstrated by attachment to possessions. You’ll find yourself allowing others to be harmed in order to externally benefit yourself, such as sleeping with someone on false pretences. Greed stems from being unable to find internal satisfaction without external rewards. Like all of these sins, it is based on core insecurity (ironically, this is exactly what valued-living cures).

Examples: selling something you know is low quality; hiding something from others that you would feel forced to share if they knew; keeping secrets; hoarding possessions and money.

Values breached: presence, compassion, empathy, abundance, acceptance.

SLOTH – Most often demonstrated as procrastination and avoidance of doing what is right for you. Laziness is a common way of describing it. The short-term focus on being comfortable right now, rather than creating a long term rewarding life, leads to constant instant-gratification decision-making, which is the cause of most peoples’ long-term suffering.

Examples: putting of what is important; sleeping too much; bingeing on television and other unproductive time-wasters.

Values breached: courage, determination, decisiveness, leadership.

PRIDE – An unhealthy and insecure attachment to an externally-validated identity. Proud people often take credit for good luck instead of being grateful for their privileges. Pride creates a belief that you are better or worse than other people, as an entire person, and facilitates a constant comparison with others. You’ll find you are not able to enjoy situations unless you ‘win’, and you’ve lost joy in the process of living in the moment. Life for proud people tends to only exist briefly, when achievements occur, and the rest of your time is spent just worrying about the next win.

Examples: feeling attached to identity (e.g. “I am the Nice Guy”); avoiding things you feel you won’t be good at; getting upset when someone challenges your beliefs.

Values breached: gratitude, honesty, presence, patience.

ENVY – The toxic and cowardly state caused primarily by being attached to external measures of self-worth. Envy is the process of attributing excuses to your failure to live by values, by claiming others have advantages over you, so that you can relieve the guilt of not taking courageous action yourself. Through feeling entitled to rewards without requiring effort or having to endure discomfort, you’ll blame others for taking away opportunities you believe are yours by right.

Examples: blaming others for your negative mood; coming up with reasons why you can’t succeed the others do (e.g. “They are naturally charismatic, I can’t do that”); disliking people because they are successful.

Values breached: honesty, responsibility, courage, passion.

LUST – Simply put, lust is about wanting to GET; having an unhealthy attachment to external rewards. If you feel entitled to receive external pleasures without having to earn them, and you are focused on instant gratification, this is probably an apt translation of lust. The entitlement leads to a lack of restraint and patience – you’ll start bulldozing your way to gratification rather than enjoying the process of getting there. Then you’ll feel resentment when rewards are withheld.

Examples: lying to get what you want; manipulating others into doing things for you; forcing someone to give something to you by guilt-tripping them.

Values breached: giving, respect, gratitude, presence.

GLUTTONY – Through an excess of external comfort sources, wasting resources, and an imbalanced use of fuel, you become a glutton. Your neediness drives a desire to consume as much as possible, most likely to relieve pangs of perceived scarcity. By deriving comfort from consumption you become locked into a cycle of bingeing and avoidance of pain.

Examples: pigging out on high-sugar foods; hoarding; watching the entire Game of Thrones series without break (actually, I’m OK with this one).

Values breached: respect, presence, discipline, abundance.

VALUES REDEMPTION

You can always go back to living by your values, there is no ‘failure’. When you commit one of the value sins, it means that you simply went off track. Your values are patiently waiting for you to re-join them. No matter how long you’ve been off track, all you have to do is live by your values in a single moment and everything is OK again!

I once worked with a gang member who had consistently harmed people for over 20 years. Then one day he started being honest, caring and productive. As soon as he started doing that he felt an immediate boost in self-worth. The past no longer mattered to his measurement of self. Valued-living is what you are doing RIGHT NOW, and to quote Metallica; nothing else matters.

The key to redeeming yourself after sinning is to take action. Rather than trying to ‘not do’ something, identify which value has been breached and create an action to live by it. Trying to not sin gives you no direction and nothing to work with. Aim to eliminate the sin through positive action instead, e.g. ask yourself “What could I do to be more honest today?” and follow through on the answer.

You’re human, which means that you will always have times where you breach your values. So forget about being perfect. It’s about getting back on the horse and reducing the amount of time you wallow in sin. You can’t undo your past errors but you can make up for them. Rather than wishing for a different past, create a rewarding or reparative present action.

Self-honesty and acceptance are the key elements to managing value-breaches. First admit you did it, then accept it happened – only then will you be able to do something to get back on track.

Discover The Power Of Vulnerability

By Natalie Jenkins

Vulnerability is _________?

Did you fill in the blank with a positive or negative word? Statistically most of you chose a negative word. Why? Why is being vulnerable considered negative? A weakness to be shamed and feared?

If you’re like me, even mentioning the word makes you shudder and scowl.

Vulnerable: capable of being physically or emotionally wounded, open to attack or damage, assailable

Ah! No wonder we are shivering in our stilettos! What a terrible and scary definition. Well, I’ve had enough of that… let’s take “vulnerable” back!

The way I see it, being vulnerable is amazing. It is necessary to live a joyous, spectacular and full life. Every day I try to become more vulnerable.

As written in Daring Greatly, “love is an intense form of vulnerability.” So how can we be open to love if we are not capable of being vulnerable?

We are not the only ones talking about vulnerability. A TED Talk entitled “The Power of Vulnerability” had over 17 million views. 17 million!!! Brene Brown has amassed a wealth of knowledge and research on the subject, and I encourage you to reflect on her words of wisdom.

Explore being vulnerable and remember to:

  • Have the courage to be imperfect
  • Be compassionate with yourself
  • Understand that what makes you vulnerable makes you beautiful
  • Learn that vulnerability is the key to connection with yourself and others

Ways to practice being vulnerable:

  • Let go of judgement, and replace it with an affirmation. “I love and accept myself just as I am.” When you refuse to judge yourself, it is impossible for others to sit in judgement of you. Your truth and acceptance are powerful.
  • Let go of your reservations, and replace with openness. Your past may have been difficult but your future doesn’t have to be. Open yourself to new experiences and forgive the past to allow vulnerability and the love and joy that accompany it into your life.
  • Let go of your projected image, replace with the authentic YOU. Let yourself be seen and know that you are worth loving! Find your inner peace and calm when you release the expectations of others and follow your own path.

Natalie’s Suggested List:
“The Power of Vulnerability” by Brene Brown… watch her being vulnerable!
“Can You be Comfortable Being Uncomfortable?” by Pamela Madsen… read her suggestions.

How To Let Go Of Your Past

By Dick Sutphen

“There is no vitality to the past except the life our minds give to it. The only thing the past is good for is to keep us stuck in the old patterns from which we’re trying to liberate ourselves. Our personal histories are the parts of our lives which hold us where we are,” says Swami Chetanananda in “Choose To Be Happy.”

If we cannot expand our awareness beyond our past — beyond our limitations — how can we possibly hope to grow? And do not compare the present to a past that is over and done, or you are courting real unhappiness.

People will tell you to learn from the past. Good advice. But learning what you “don’t want” will not support you for long. “Don’t want” doesn’t work. What do you want?

“Mind lives in the past because it lives in knowledge,” says Osho in “Guida Spirituale.” “Knowledge means that which you have known, understood, learned. And existence is now and mind is then; existence is here and mind is always there. Mind looks backwards; it is like a rear-view mirror. If you are backing your car the rear-view mirror is okay, but if you are going forward then it is dangerous to go on looking in the rear-view mirror. And if you become fixated on the rear-view mirror you are bound for an accident. You are in great danger, you are being suicidal. Life always moves forwards; it has no possibility of going backwards.”

Some counselors would have you searching your past for understanding to help you heal your stresses and dramas. But according to Swami Chetanananda. “All you’ll find in tension is more tension. Believe me, if you insist on standing in and sifting through garbage, the only thing you’re going to become is dirty at best and ill at worst. Reliving stress does not relieve stress; obsession with trauma can only traumatize.”

As a final thought, consider that your “ego” is a result of the past. So to give up ego means to give up your history. Your whole history. All that you have been up until this moment in time. But if you would drop your ego, you would be free of the past. This is not something you do one time and have it handled. Releasing the past has to be done regularly, otherwise it will accumulate. Every moment, the present turns into the past, so if you continue to collect, a new ego will arise.

Do not live in the past. Do not live for the future. Live in the timeless NOW. Easier said than done, but certainly a worthy goal.

Set Your Set-Point: Uphold Your “Happiness Level” For Life

By Kristi K. Hoffman

We get to set our own goals in life. How beautiful is that? There is great power in realizing our own ability to challenge ourselves and set our GPS toward our loves and talents. And, even more beautiful still is that when we meet our goals, we get to re-calibrate them, and raise the bar to an even more exciting level.

In addition to goal-setting is establishing a personal set point. A set point is that place where you’d like to maintain, stabilize, and stay, as it relates to key areas in your life. Set points are important because they provide structure—something to aim for and stay committed to for future success. Consider your set point a personally satisfying, quantifiable objective you wish to maintain.

Set points help you step up to your next level, aim for and reach your life dreams and goals, uphold your “happiness level” for life. They are your sustainable happy place. Your set point may (will) change and evolve as chapters in your life change. But that’s the beauty of being able to set, reach, and recalibrate your own goals.

Establish a set point for these four areas:

Weight: Know at what weight (range) you feel good, healthy, and fit. Work with a physician, and as necessary, explore working with a dietitian, a fitness expert, and/or use your FitBit or My Fitness Pal app to stay consistent. Consistency, habit, and discipline are key core competencies here.

Work/Career: Know what measurable objectives you need to reach to be successful, to get the promotion, to seal the deal, to perform at peak levels, to get high marks on your evaluations, to set yourself up for future success. Drive, desire, and organization will help you with this set point.

Financial: Know where you’d like to be financially to live the lifestyle that makes you feel happy, comfortable, fulfilled. Be diligent about paying off debt, staying debt free going forward, and building a savings for your dreams. Discipline, perseverance, and patience will be critical core competencies to help you here.

Personal: Know who you’d like to impact, what your future self looks/acts like, what organization you can assist to make this world a better place, what actions will build a fit, healthy, fun life. That is living the Total Package Lifestyle! Introspection, desire, and passion will be key here.

Once you know your set points in these four areas, write action steps for each, to keep you steady and on track every day. Keep your set points your reality by staying focused on them, and working diligently towards maintaining these core goals. Notice the personal bliss you begin to feel as you achieve your set points. Now that’s a beautiful thing! #TotalPackageLifestyle

6 Ways to Value Yourself

By Talya Flowers

Our values often shape who we are, how we view life, and our expectations and standards that we have of ourselves and others. I love and enjoy people because we both can learn something from one another. I value an amazing sale because material items come and go. I’m not one who pinches pennies, but I do like to save. So, finding an item that I really like that’s marked down makes me feel like I am being wise with my money, especially when it frees me up financially to be a blessing to others. Others may value love, success, trust, family, and/or careers. Either way, what we value speaks highly of how committed we are to a particular thing or person.

In the past, I valued other people above myself and would go above and beyond to make sure someone else was comfortable and happy because I believed the unconscious lie that humility was a true mark of beauty. When I denied myself, I subconsciously told myself that others’ needs were more important. And that their opinions thoughts and desires were more valuable than mine. I was sending myself the message that I should go above and beyond for other people but not for myself because that would be considered stingy and selfish.

I watched “What are your values?” by motivational speaker Kenny Graham and I was shocked when he asked “What do you value about yourself?” I have really never asked myself that question. I was so caught up in valuing other people that I forgot that I, too, am valuable. I am more than enough. I deserve the best. I am the best. I am a jade emerald. And that’s not in a conceited or arrogant way; it is a certainty, a fact that cannot be compromised.

When I know my value, I stop running toward things that hinder my success or my self-respect. I stop allowing people to hurt, use, or abuse me. I become more selective of the people that I allow into my inner sanctum. I watch and study their life principles. I compare them to mine and then I either promote or demote. I no longer have time to be telling people what they should be doing because I value myself. I am no longer going to pour water into an empty bucket.

Graham asks the question “what do you value about yourself?” in his video. I am going to take his question further and ask “do you “know” your value?” Not by the worlds standards, but by Gods standards. What does it mean to know? It means to be certain, to be firm, to be steady, to be assured, to be secured, and to be anchored. What does it mean to “value?” It means to protect, to cherish, to embrace, to accept, to admire, to love, to respect, and to invest.

Do you know your value? That’s the key to winning in life. Realize that you are a priceless, precious treasure that the maker has created in his image. Despite what anyone says or does to you in the present, the maker loves you and considers you valuable. Despite what may have happened in your past, the maker is the anchor which makes all things new and gives us assurance that we can begin again. Know who you are in Christ and give from a place of love. And that my friend can never be taken by anyone. Here are my suggestions for knowing your value:

1. Trust God

He is the orchestrator of your value and he never changes. He is the same today, yesterday and forever. Allow his stability to become yours.

2. Exercise

When you and I exercise, we have more energy to get all of our tasks completed. More energy means that we annihilate our to-do list, which makes us feel much more confident and valuable.

3. Eat healthy

Exercising and eating healthy are two of the most important aspects of our life. Eating healthy gives us more fuel for our day. Instead of feeling tired and fatigued, we feel energized and ready to take on the world which increases your value in yourself.

4. Affirm yourself

Think and say: “I am valuable, I am love, I am loved, I am more than enough, I am special.” How can anyone know your value, if you don’t believe it for yourself?

5. Love yourself

If you could see me writing this, I am shouting “LOVE YOURSELF.” You have to love you first before loving anyone else. You have to show yourself that you love all of you. And then tell yourself as well.

6. Keep commitments

We love over committing our schedules and helping everyone else but ourselves. Value yourself enough to keep the commitments that you’ve made to yourself.

11 Ways To Boost Your Confidence

By Anisha Joshi

Confidence – a personality trait that each one of us aspires to have, but very few people actually possess. Most of the people develop their confidence with the passing time because they need to be confident in every task they do and thought they have. You want to buy/sell the shares of a particular company; you want to propose someone; you want to give the perfect presentation – it all requires the confidence. Wearing branded clothes or driving a fancy car can’t make you feel confident. Confidence is the attitude; it’s all about how you feel about yourself. People will criticize you for various reasons, and not everyone will support you. But you need to know that you have the power within you to boost your confidence with these 11 ways:

1. Wear comfortable and clean clothes

Your first impression is the last impression. Hence, your clothes say a lot about you – even before you open your mouth to speak. It is important to wear clean & comfortable clothes. This will allow you to take away your attention from your own appearance – which can be a major distraction. As a result, you will be able to focus on your discussions and will appear confident. When you are totally involved in doing something, low self-esteem vanishes and your confidence is boosted.

2. Sit straight and show your confidence

Take a look at the videos of all successful public speakers. Notice them and their gestures. They all are comfortable while speaking and show an outstanding confidence. Their gestures, facial expressions, straight posture, and everything else depicts their confidence. Start with sitting/standing with your spine erect. Gradually, work on your gestures and facial expressions. You, too, can do it.

3. Be yourself

Be yourself. Because each of us is unique. You look the best when you are “you.” It is wrong to compare yourself because “you can’t judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree.” Being yourself, you will realize you are special and unique. When you realize you are special, you automatically become confident. Love yourself for who you are

4. Give time to your passion

Your passion is a creative action that you love doing. When you are spending time on your passion you “feel complete.” This feeling makes you confident. You enjoy your own company, you appreciate your existence, and you do have a reason to be confident.

5. Respect and care for your own body

The reason why most people don’t feel confident is because of their physical appearance and ailments. Everybody wants a beautiful and healthy body, and it is a major factor in boosting your confidence. Hang a photo of the super star, like whom you aspire to be. Seeing her/him everyday will motivate you to wake up a bit earlier and work upon your body. Take care!!

6. Use optimism & positive affirmations

The thoughts and affirmations in which you tell yourself hold the highest importance. So, instead of saying “I can’t do it,” say ” I will give my 100% and I will do my best.” Instead of feeling “Life is of no use,” say “Life can be made amazing , I too can be happy, because there are many people who are happy living an amazing life. I need to discover my dream and paint my own life.” There is so much to say about being positive, but the whole crux is: Optimism is the faith that leads to achievement.

7. Be in the company of confident people

You become like the people around you. Surrounding yourself with confident people makes you feel that attitude for being confident. You don’t need an specific amount of bank balance, or a certain quality of education, or a branded outfit to boost your confidence. You just need to feel it. Watch people who are confident and learn from them: you will get your piece of inspiration from that group of people around you.

8. Talk to those people in your life who believe in you

Confidence is all about believing yourself. There are times when all concepts of self-motivation fail, but when someone else counts our “qualities” to us, we feel better. So there must be a few people in life who love us and believe in us. Have such people and treasure them.

9. Count the successes you have achieved earlier in your life

We are born. We learn the ways of life. We learn to walk while being toddlers. We learn to eat by ourselves when we are in play group. We learn to read and write in 1st grade. And life keeps on moving – each year we have something to applaud about our own live. But with all the hustle & bustle, and glistening shadows of life, we forget our own achievements. It may be school grades, appreciation certificates, appraisals at office, or we may have helped someone while crossing the road, or be the reason for someone’s smile. There are so many things that can be counted under the list of achievements – materialistic, physical, spiritual, emotional or social level.

10. Smile: fake it, till you make it

A smile is a sure sign of a confident personality. Smile a while. Let it spread a mile. Let it be the reason for another smiles. Very soon it will become your own nature.

11. Believe in the higher power

Call him God, Angels, Prophet, Energy or anything as per your religious customs. But there is a higher power, which always protects you and has always taken care of you and will continue doing the same. Believe in this higher power is like a backbone to confidence. Anything can fail but a strong faith that someone is there to help you out will always boost your confidence.

 

4 Ways To Get Out Of The “Anger Danger Zone”

By Steve Goodier

Anger is just one letter short of danger — it seems to be as true in English as well as in practice. Dr. Bedford Williams at Duke University has determined that students who score high on a “hostility test” are in far greater danger of dying young than their peers. In fact, those who are prone to anger are in greater physical danger than those who smoke, have high blood pressure, or even high cholesterol.

Not that we should never be angry. It is a normal part of life. We all get “worked up,” “overheated,” or just plain “hopping mad” at times. Those closest to us know it best. (Just ask my kids!)

One little boy said about his mother: “When she starts to act real weird, you have to look scared and serious. Don’t giggle. When mommies are mad, they get madder when you giggle.”

The good news is that simply getting angry does not seem to be the problem. Well-directed anger can be a helpful emotion. But staying angry is dangerous — to our health and to our relationships.

Here are four simple steps that can help move us out of the danger zone when we feel as if our hostility is running the show.

1. Control it.

Uncontrolled anger will take over.

2. Talk it out.

Don’t keep it in and let it fester.

3. Act on it.

Do what needs to be done to resolve the situation. Helplessness will only provoke more anger and, eventually, despair.

4. End it.

Just as there is a starting point for anger, there must be an ending. Make a decision not to prolong destructive hostility.

It can help to remember that for every minute we’re angry, we lose sixty seconds of happiness and sixty seconds of peace. The sooner we get out of the danger zone, the sooner we can get back to truly living.

5 Easy Steps To Making Your Dreams Come True

By Darin Dillinger

Many people ask me a lot of questions about my life. Here are some of them: (1) how did I lose 400 pounds naturally, (2) how did I so easily make the decision to move to Hollywood, (3) how do I always meet such amazing people, and (4) how do I stay so positive.

Well, it wasn’t always easy. However, I learned that determination and really good intuition leads me to where I want to go. I could go on forever about the lists of books that I read to get me here. But instead, I’ll cut to the chase and list five easy steps on making your dreams happen:

1) Wake up every day acting like it’s your birthday!

I know this is silly, but your birthday always makes you feel like you’re invincible and that you radiate possibilities. And it’s a re-birth of sorts. Imagine every day is your birthday, and act as if anything is possible.

2) Listen to “God’s Whispers” …

I am not religious, but I am very spiritual. I use the word ‘God’ loosely, so it could be termed Universal Whispers. When you send a dream out to the Universe, God (or the Universe) will start sending you back signs. So you need to start talking about your dream and then start listening to the whispers around you. And remember that there are no coincidences. Luck is simply when preparation meets opportunity. You prepare yourself to see the opportunity when it arises.

3) Put it out there!

The more you tell people about your dreams, talk about it in your head, and write it down on paper, the more your brain begins to believe all of the possibilities. It’s like tunnel vision. Start saying you deserve it, and also say you already have it. Plus, when you start talking about your dreams, then people will support you and will be on the lookout for signs, too. You will probably hear things such as, “That’s a great dream! Hey, I know someone named John and he wants to do this too. I should help you two get connected!”

4) Always give thanks for who – and what – you have.

When we are happy and thankful, we literally generate a different vibration. This is actually a scientifically proven fact. The more we can live in a space of appreciation, the more positive things will come to us. But you need to remember this daily.

5) Eliminate the naysayers from your life.

Maybe your naysayers are family members, friends who you thought supported you, or perhaps even colleagues. People who put fear into you instill limits on you because they are afraid that you’ll succeed. In fact, they fear your success because they believe it’s possible. So you need to remember that you are as limitless as you see yourself.

6) Take a photo.

When you take a photo of your dream, it programs the brain to see it.

7) Put your photo(s) EVERYWHERE!

My absolute favorite people have vision boards. I call it a ‘SHINE ON’ Wall. On my vision board, I have pictures of people I want to meet, people who inspire me, positive quotes, jobs that I want, trips I want to go on, and the body I desire to create. I make it my shrine. I light candles every night with sage, and then reflect. When this happens, you will radiate your desires and dreams.

These are some of my tips. They are based on my reading and my experiences, and they are easy steps to start.

Let me leave you with this … VIBE STRONG!

Want To Know The Secret To HAPPINESS? Here It Is …

By Dr. LeslieBeth Wish

Had rotten parents who abused, neglected, criticized or abandoned you? Or something happened to you later in life such as assault or rape? Or your disappointing love relationships hover overhead like mylar balloons glinting at your failures?

Well, here’s the good news: rotten pasts for any reasons don’t have to mean you will have an unhappy life. Positive psychology researchers such as Martin Seligman, author of the inspiring book, “Learned Optimism,” studies resilience and how to develop the positive effects of optimism on your health, coping mechanisms, problem-solving ability, emotional regulation and more.

Seligman identifies several traits that make optimistic people, well, so optimistic. I discovered very similar findings when I was researching the effects of childhood abuse on women’s career and love happiness. Look at the abbreviated list below. Check the ones that describe you.

Optimism Checklist:

I am intelligent.
I can regulate my moods and impulses.
I enjoy planning for the future.
I may not have had a great childhood, but I’ve triumphed over it.
I regard myself as successful.
I like taking on challenges and learning new things.
I can soothe myself without relying on substances such as alcohol, carbohydrates, shopping or impulsive sex with just about anyone.
Even though my life is not perfect now, I enjoy and cherish it.
I’m good at problem-solving.
I can handle disappointments and setbacks.

Obviously, the more you checked, the more likely you are a happy optimist.

Psychologist Philip Zimbardo has developed a method he calls Time Perspective Therapy, which he uses to help people change their negative outlook. The Wall Street Journal article from August 27, 2013, “Still Hung Up on Your Past? A Therapy Says ‘Let It Go’ is an overview of Zimbardo’s analysis of what makes people happy. He discovered that happy people have the following view of themselves:

I love and value my past.
I enjoy my present and know how to balance work and pleasure.
I like planning for the future and believe I can accomplish my goals.

But, oops—what if you don’t agree with these statements or if you didn’t check many things on the Optimist Checklist? Here are some secret tips to help you gain the benefits of optimism.

1. How to deal with the past.

Okay—so you had parents who wouldn’t win any parenting awards. Or later in life you had some very bad experience in love, life and work. Zimbardo recommends meditating or making a list of your positive attributes.

These can be good, but the women in my study for my book, “Smart Relationships,” used these methods that yielded potent results. Use them repeatedly whenever you feel down and out of control over your mood and life.

Make a chart with four columns. In the first column list a negative thought, idea, feeling or regret you have about you and your life.

In the second column list your parents’ or caregivers’ negative words or actions toward you.

In the third column, describe how their words and actions tell you more about them and how they were treated as children. If you take your time and focus on what you know about them, you will increase your ability to see that the words you carry in your head and that your view of you may truly not be true about you!

In the fourth column, now write your good attributes and your rebuttal and revisions to your negative self-view.

The women in my study found this exercise helpful because it brings to the surface all those negative thoughts and fears so you can then battle against them.

2. How to deal with the present.

Zimbardo recommends elevating your mood by exercising and rewarding your work effort with something enjoyable such as getting a massage or going to dinner with friends.

These are great suggestions. Going to dinner with friends is very effective because social engagement has proven to boost your immune system, coping mechanisms, sense of belonging and feeling valued and less alone. Exercising also strengthens your immune system and triggers the pleasure hormones in your brain.

Here are some other tips that the women in my study used.

Make contact with friends, family and the community. Email, write or call a friend. Make plans every month to be with people whom you like and who care about you.

Volunteer. Being active and giving in your community is great medicine. You feel valued, and you get a perspective on the lives and struggles of others. Don’t ignore your circumstances, of course. Your pain is your pain and it is important. Volunteering, however, is a great way to get out identifying with being a victim—or using it as an excuse not to take action.

Do things that scare you. Yes—that’s right! Doing things that make you feel nervous or stupid become a training ground that makes you more comfortable with new things. This desensitization can enable you to take some necessary, moderate and realistic risks in your life. For example, if you are afraid of starting a business, I suggest that you attend seminars, read books and consult with successful people. Yes, you will feel anxious, but the more you expose yourself to what frightens you, the more you develop inner strength.

3. How to deal with your future.

Zimbardo recommends learning an new skill and thinking about what’s good in your life. Here are some more suggestions from the women in my study. These tips are much easier to do if you took the advice above.

Okay—it’s time for you to make another chart. In the first column make a list of what you would realistically like to accomplish in the future.

In the second column list all the things you need to do to achieve those goals.

In the third column list all your fears and the things that hold you back. Now go back to that very first chart I asked you to make in how to deal with your past. Do you see similarities? How many of your fears come from them?

In the fourth column write some words of encouragement, including your rebuttal and revisions to the negative input from your parents and caregivers. You will most likely have this inner dialogue between the old and new you for the rest of your life. But the more you increase your awareness, the more you can rewrite a different view of you and your future happiness.

Be featured in Dr. Wish’s next book about intuition! Click here to tell her your story!

And also check out more of Dr. Wish’s advice in one of her other books right here:

How To Kill A ‘Buzz Kill’

By Kristi Hoffman

It’s one of those days … Maybe you didn’t get enough sleep. Your relationships are off kilter. Everything is hitting you wrong. You are slightly defensive, mean-spirited, or just plain evil. In fact, everything, it seems, is a buzz kill, zapping joy at every turn. And the annoyances keep coming. Today the list of incessant, bothersome buzz kills seems longer than usual and there is seemingly nothing you can do to stop the negative energy.

Now, I’m no psychologist but I’ve learned a few ChickSmart rules. First things first. Don’t try to stop the buzz-kill feeling in an instant, because it only gets worse if you force it. Instead, analyze the buzz kill and ride the negative energy wave. Label it a “buzz kill moment” and remember, you aren’t the only one having crap annoy you. Misery really does love company at a moment like this.

Next, ever made a list of your A-#1, absolute, top-of-the-line buzz kills that creep into your world on a pseudo-regular basis? If you don’t have a handy dandy list yet, now is the time to make one. You know what I’m talking about — a list of those things — or people — that/who no matter what, bring you smack out of a good day and drop you right into a crap mood? Maybe it’s the weather. Hormones. Germs. Repeat telemarketers. Noise. Relationship drama. Coworker shenanigans.

What are YOUR buzz kills? Come on…you know the repeat offenders. Jokingly, I say, “escape and eliminate.” But that’s not always possible in the real world. When you can’t run away and eliminate buzz kills from your life, it’s time to take the head-on hit.

Now that you’ve put a label on your buzz kills, ENCAPSULATE them. Stick them in a little (or big) box and, when they creep into your world, acknowledge the box, find some slight humor in it and assign an action step as to how you will deal with the buzz kill. “Here comes numero uno buzz kill,” you might say to yourself to prepare for enduring a direct hit of Annoyance. By recognizing that these negative feelings are coming your way — or have arrived in full force — you can, at a minimum, understand why you feel the way you do, mentally preparing in hopes that the wave will dissipate in the near future. And oftentimes, we can see buzz kills coming at us from a mile away, which aids brain prep time to think through action steps, or better yet, head them off.

So in a buzz kill moment, call a spade a spade, and have a crappy mood for a while. And remember, you can usually kill a buzz kill in three simple steps:
  1. Know your buzz kill list and encapsulate it. Escape and eliminate if at all possible.
  2. Acknowledge a buzz kill moment and ride the (hopefully short-term) wave, rather than lose the whole day to the negative energy.
  3. Find one small sign that will bring the buzz kill wave to shore and assist you in jumping off of it…a song from the 80s, a child laughing, a funny picture, an optimistic friend, a bug that hits your windshield. YOU figure that one out at the moment.

This might not make your day perfect, but you aren’t alone and now you have your buzz kills’ number.

So ride the wave and have yourself a buzz-kill-free day.

Planning: 7 Ways To Ensure This Will Be A GREAT Year

By Mary Miller

Don’t you love the New Year? You get to start over. Your hope is renewed. If you do, you’re not alone. Many people love this time of year, yet few enjoy planning for it…

Planning can be overwhelming. There are 52 weeks, 365 days and 8,760 hours to plan for. Yikes!

I, too, have wrestled with planning. Ourselves, friends, and experts often add to the issue with complex planning tools. Then add to that mix other unknowns such as: you may not have a vision, you may not know what you want to do, you may not know how to make a change or start something new, etc.

I’ve learned to think of dreams as a “destination,” and think of planning as a “tool for success.” This year is just a part of your journey … you just need to take one step … at … a … time …

Maybe this year is the year you define your dreams, maybe it’s the year you execute them, or maybe it’s a year of exploration into yourself to rediscover who you are.

Your dreams are as unique as you are. It’s YOUR journey … no two journeys are exactly alike … your individuality matters.

Okay, so wherever you are in your journey, you are about to embark on the trip of a lifetime. Humor me for a moment – look in the mirror and say to yourself “Planning is easy and fun!” Okay, got it?

Now work through these 7 tips below.

1. Whoa – Not So fast!

Before you try to jump into this New Year – reflect on last year. What was good? What was bad? What did you learn? What would you change?

2. Define Your Destination.

Write down one reason why you are looking forward to this year? Only one. This will give you focus.

3. Take a Step.

What is a single step that will take you in the direction of the destination you defined in #2?

4. Set Your GPS.

Set a few top level goals related to your destination. These are just additional steps to get you to where you want to go.

5. Check Where You’re Headed.

Once you have taken the first few steps, check to make sure you’re headed in the direction of your destination. Have you deviated too much and gotten off track? Intentional deviations and changes are all good – plans can change. But unintentional deviations are often caused my distractions, shiny objects, and procrastination.

6. Don’t travel alone.

Life is so much better with travel companions. Share your excitement for 2015 with your close friends; tell them what your destination is. Hire a coach or ask a good friend to be an accountability partner. This is helpful for motivation and provides a reality check for when you get off course.

7. Remember: It’s Your Journey.

Life doesn’t happen to you. You construct it and reconstruct it after the storms. You’re in control of YOU. So if you are really looking forward to 2015 because of your destination – there is no reason why you can’t take steps towards it. That, my friend, is up to you.

How does your new year feel now?

What Are You Dreaming About?

By Steve Goodier

The agricultural school dean was interviewing a freshman. “Why have you chosen this career?” he asked.

“I dream of making a million dollars in farming, like my father,” replied the freshman.

The dean was impressed. “Your father made a million dollars in farming?”

“No,” the student said. “But he always dreamed of it.”

Alright. That was corny. But at least this student has a dream, even if it is only a dream about money.

I especially like the story of a man who was discussing  a trip he wanted to take to Alaska with his wife. He told her he’d always dreamed of such an adventure. He wanted to travel deep into the wilderness. He wanted to rough it. He talked about how exciting it would be to stay in a log cabin without electricity, to hunt caribou, and drive a dog team instead of a car.

“If we decided to live there permanently, away from civilization, what would you miss the most?” he asked his partner.

She replied, “You.”

His dream – not hers. A better dream might include her.

This is a time of year when we often examine our dreams and goals. I’ve discovered many important questions hat are helpful when I consider which dreams to chase and which to leave alone. Here are some of them:

1. Does my dream have deep meaning? Or put another way, is it significant and important enough to commit my time and energy toward?

2. What will it ultimately mean if I accomplish this thing I think I want?

3. Does my dream spring from the best that is within me?

4. Does it come from a place of love or altruism?

5. Will my life and the lives of those I love be better for it? My best dreams include those I love.

6. Does my dream have deep meaning and does it spring from the best that is within me?

Take the time you need to answer these questions well and you’ll find yourself pursuing something that is truly significant. When that happens, everything can change.

Now, as you look ahead…what are you dreaming about?

You Are Worth Loving

By Natalie Jenkins

You are good enough. You are worth loving.

It’s been about four years since I heard those words in the safety and seclusion of my therapist’s office. Simple statements, but enough to unleash the newest wave of tears. I cried because I wasn’t sure I believed it. I cried because if I could, my healing would begin.

I was in the midst of a messy divorce, my own personal hell. A hell that had me wallowing in self doubt, insecurity, and self-loathing.

I suffered in limbo for two years, unable to release myself and unwilling to trust myself enough to reinvest in creating a new life. I had never failed at anything, how could I fail at this? How could I possibly be good enough and deserve to be happy after this failure? How could my family and friends ever feel I was worth loving again?

Emotionally exhausted, I sought counsel. I was encouraged to learn, to grow, and to reflect. Where did my guilt, my rage, my pain come from? What did I want and what did I need?

The answers to these questions became life changing for me. It doesn’t matter if the answers scared me, surprised me, or confused me. Whether seemingly good or bad, they were mine. I made a choice to learn from them. Until that moment, my life had been relatively conflict-free. I had never been forced to get to know myself, to ask the tough questions and to fearlessly face my personal truth.

I discovered that ignorance of yourself – and of your prevailing intention – is a true tragedy. I chose to stop hiding from myself, and I learned not to sit in judgement of myself or others. You may not be who you think you are, and that’s okay … We are always changing on our journey.

My Reset Retreat journey began when I recognized the compassion, empathy, and extraordinary capacity for learning in three amazing women. We began to share experiences and bond over love, life, and loss. We were shockingly similar and different all at once, but our commonality was wanting to institute a change – in ourselves, our friends, and the world- and knowing that we could. The chemistry and excitement was palpable as we began conceptualizing Reset Retreat- a place to learn, grow, and reflect.

By even reading a bit of our story, you know you are ready to let your real journey begin.

Accept yourself. Forgive yourself. Know that you are good enough. Know that you are worth loving… Reset. Rejuvenate. Reinvent.

This is who I am. This is why I am here today at Reset Retreat.

Tell Perfectionism Where to Shove It

By Mary Miller

Having IT all is the American dream. Growing up, we are told that striving for this dream is an opportunity not to be wasted. We are told that we should be grateful and not squander or waste our lives on something that won’t be successful. Success in our formative years meant becoming a doctor, lawyer, or anything that made a lot of money. It meant being a great mom, a great wife, to become outstanding in your community – all to give your parents a lot of bragging ammo. Expectations were high because we had so many more opportunities than our mothers.

It’s no wonder that many Generation X Women are perfectionists. We were raised to be. We were praised when we followed the rules, when we were quiet, when our hair was neat, when we looked pretty, when we were productive, and especially when we “made it” (AKA: accomplished something).

Somehow in our well-intended upbringing, many of us became idols instead of people. We represented a life our parents, teachers, and other influences wanted but did not have. Some of our parents often felt guilty because they were home less often since they were busy making money to create this life.

Did you know that Generation X is often referred to as the latchkey or divorce generation? “Divorce rates, which peaked around 1980, are now at their lowest level since 1970. In fact, the often-cited statistic that half of all marriages end in divorce was true only in the 1970s—in other words, our parents’ marriages.” (The Divorce Generation”, WSJ).

Our folks did the best they could and Lord knows we were not easy to raise or get through to. Yet somehow in the midst of all this, the “Me” generation, the generation seen as independent, we forgot who we were. We began to strive to be all things to all people and at age 30, 35, or 40 we are now at a crossroads looking back at the road we have traveled – perhaps with a pair of Golden handcuffs on saying: What the hell is “IT” anyways? Is all this worth it?

We’re tired and want to quit some days; sometimes it feels like we are living a life that does not fulfill our souls. Yet we tell ourselves to put on our big girl panties and solider on. Then our crazy life repeats itself until we are numb … and for what? If we’re going to fight and be sleep deprived, let it be from something that matters.

So why does this matter? And what does this have to do with perfectionism? Our formative years shape who we are. The way we grow up and these exceptions create environmental perfectionism. Even if you do not have a perfectionist personality, my bet is that you have learned to become a perfectionist due to your environment. A perfectionist is someone whose goal is to be flawless and who sets excessively high performance standards, accompanied by overly critical self-evaluations and concerns regarding others’ evaluations.

While perfectionism can create a drive like no other, it also lies to you! Perfectionism lies to you and tells you that unless you are perfect, you are not worth anything. You don’t matter enough to have your own dreams, your own ideas, your own life doing what makes you happy, being who God created you to be.

So are you ready to fight perfectionism and tell it to shove it? Then … EVERYDAY this week take note of anytime you say these words or phrases. STOP and think about why you are saying this and what you could say instead. Slowly look for situations where you can let go of perfection.

• “should”
• “have to”
• “what will they think”
• “If I could just…”
• “What’s my problem?”
• “Why can’t I do anything right?”
• What has perfectionism cost you?

What has perfectionism cost you?

11 Tips For Dealing With Sudden Life Changes

By Dr. Carol Morgan

I’m sure you’ve heard this statement before: No one likes change. Alright, that statement may not be 100% true for everyone (some people love change). But when life changes suddenly — and in a negative way — it’s a difficult for most people. So if and when you find yourself in the midst of a sudden life change, remember these 11 things:

1. The only thing that is constant about life is change.

You can’t escape it. No one can. Life happens. People die every day, and their loved ones are left to mourn the loss and go on with life. People get fired every day. They have to learn to deal with their sudden financial losses and find a way to regain their security. Break-ups and divorces happen all the time too. But wallowing in your misery about it won’t help. At some point, we all just need to remember that change is inevitable. But how we deal with change is optional. So make it positive.

2. You’re not alone — everyone goes through changes.

I’m sure it feels like you are alone, but you’re not. There are probably thousands or millions of people out there going through a similar experience right at this moment. Even if you had the most horrific things happen to you, like being diagnosed with a terminal illness or having a loved one pass away suddenly, there are people who have been though it and survived. If you keep that at the forefront of your mind, it might give you some peace.

3. Feeling confused or upset is normal.

When life changes suddenly, you probably want to scream, shout, curse and plead with God. All you want is for life to go back to “normal.” You want your “old life” back. You would probably do anything to have that. But remember, these feelings are part of the grieving process. To NOT feel any of these emotions would not be normal. And to repress the feelings is not healthy. It can do physical damage to your body and mind.

4. The haze you are in now will eventually lift.

Like I said, you might be thinking that life will never be normal again. Well, it will never be the “old normal,” but you will learn to create a “new normal.” One of my grandfather’s favorite sayings was, “You can get used to anything — even hanging if you hang long enough.” While that might be a crude yet humorous quotation, it makes a point. Humans are enduring. We’re built for survival, so the haze will eventually go away. Maybe not as soon as you want it to, but it will eventually disappear.

5. Do some self-reflection and look at the change as a life lesson.

If you are religious or spiritual, you can look at life through a lens of a spiritual lesson. Even if you’re not, you can still use negative experiences to figure yourself out learn to grow as a person. I think absolutely everything that happens to us can be seen as a learning opportunity. But you have to train your mind to think along those lines first.

6. Focus on and appreciate what you do have left.

When my dad passed away, it was awful. Anyone who has lost a loved one knows how horrible it is. You feel like your world is crumbling down around you. However, as sad as it was to lose him, I was comforted by knowing that my mom and stepmom were still alive. And my sisters. And friends. And other family members. Focusing on who or what you do have left brings a little bit more peace to you during those difficult times.

7. You need to make the choice to keep going.

You might want to just never get out of bed again. You might think your life is over. But guess what? It isn’t. Life goes on. The world keeps turning. And if you “check out” of life, everyone else just keeps moving on. So you need to make the conscious choice to get out of bed, put one foot in front of the other, and keep walking through life. Don’t give up. It’s a choice. It’s not an easy one, but it’s still your choice.

8. Ask for help.

Hopefully you have a network of family and friends who can help you. I know a lot of people who like to be strong and don’t like to ask for help. But being strong doesn’t mean that you don’t ask for help. Being strong means that you DO ask for help. If you don’t, it just makes you feel more isolated. Most people like to help others. So give them the opportunity to spread their love and kindness to you. Open your heart and your mind and let people in.

9. Just because things are bad now, doesn’t mean you can’t be happy again.

The best thing someone said to me after my dad’s funeral was, “You never get over it. You just get used to it.” I had never thought of it like that before. But it’s true. We never get over the loss of a loved one. But if your sudden life change is something like the loss of a job, divorce or a health problem, you will find a way to “get used to it” too. Sometimes you have no choice. So the only choice you really have is to choose how you are going to respond to what happens to you.

10. Eventually, things will become clear to you.

Someday, you will look back and know why it all happened. Here’s an example from my life: I was fired, once. There — I said it. Okay, I wasn’t really fired because I did anything wrong, I just got let go. And at the time, I was confused. I didn’t know what to do next. But if that hadn’t happened, I would not have ended up in the career I am in now, which I love. I am a big believer in “everything happens for a reason.” Even if it’s a negative life change, there might be a reason why it happened. Again, it could be another life lesson.

11. You need to mentally prepare for the next life change.

Hopefully your next life change won’t be sudden or tragic. It could simply be graduating from college, having your children move out of your home, or retirement. All of those changes are predictable and you can prepare for them years in advance. But the sudden life changes are different. Not that sudden life changes are as common, but if you mentally accept the fact that they can happen at any time, then you will definitely appreciate what you have right now.

Change doesn’t have to be bad. It can lead to something greater than where you are now. Even horrible changes can eventually be turned into something positive. So if you’re going through a sudden life change, remember these 11 things and hopefully you will get through it with ease and grace.

Simple Reminders To Love Yourself Each Day

By Cierra Savatgy-King

Do you actively love yourself each day? Remembering to love ourselves is something we frequently forget to do. We get distracted by the day-to-day and it’s easy to put ourselves on the back burner. The Reset Retreat team set out to ask women who we sincerely respect how they actively remember to love themselves each day.

Here’s what these inspirational ladies had to say:

“I dance and meditate each day. Even if it’s just one song and a 5 minute sit in silence, this taps me into my love of being alive and wonder and gratitude for my healthy, beautiful body.”

– KC Baker, Founder of KC Baker International Inc.

“This may seem strange but I take time out when having a shower just to cleanse the day from my body and mind, and as the water covers my body I think about all the great things I am blessed with; a healthy body, a strong business, kind and generous friends. Mainly I thank God that I was born me, flaws and all. My favorite saying is that what makes us different makes us beautiful. I celebrate my difference.”

– Mellissah Smith, Founder of Marketing Eye, Australia

“I try to actively practice self compassion – realize that I am human and that making mistakes is inevitable, and even desirable. This is where the learning occurs. When I do make a mistake, I remind myself to treat myself as I would a friend. Surely I would not shame and denigrate a friend who made a mistake; I would treat that friend with love, care, compassion and forgiveness.

– Danelle Gerber, Mother of 2

“When I put my hand on my heart I actually say out loud to my heart ” I love you” a couple of times to feel that love and it’s response – it always responds to me with warm feeling all throughout my body – I totally feel my vibration change. ”

– Olga Pechnenko, Founder of RevenueHire, Austin

“I find that what reminds me to love myself are the moments when I am most loving towards others. My favorite thing in the WHOLE world is giving someone a fun surprise – a gift that is perfect for them. A little handmade something created with love, even an unexpected note sharing my adoration for them and telling them why they matter to me. I love loving others! The interesting thing is that the moments I am most filled with love for others are the same moments I am most filled with love for myself. My giving is both a mirror of my love reflecting it back and a magnifying glass making it larger.”

– Melissa Lombard, Founder of 5 Year Project.

“I make sure to take 30 – 60 minutes to exercise everyday. This is my meditation and I use those minutes to focus solely on doing something good for my mind and body. I listen to my repetitious deep breathing and leave feeling refreshed, focused, and thankful I am a still moving.”  –

– Jennifer McCamish, Founder of Dancers Shape.

“My time alone makes me feel incredibly connected, loved and at peace with myself. I used to avoid being alone. I filled my schedule with noise and distraction because spending time with myself felt scary and lonely. A couple of years ago, I faced my fear of aloneness by choosing to spend a weekend by myself in a Texas Hill Country cabin. I found out that my own company isn’t quite so bad. In fact, I sort of fell in love with myself on that trip. I now relish these solo getaways and make them a priority. ”

– Amanda McPherson, Licensed Professional Counselor-Intern under the supervision of Kat Elrod, LPC-S. and author of Girl, Get Your Roots Done!

“I have made my home a sanctuary for myself, so that coming home at the end of a long day is to a place that nourishes me and makes even the most difficult of days comforting. I think it is so important to make your surroundings beautiful and create a place for yourself that you feel good in always. Before I go to sleep I find even a quick minute to reflect on the good and how far I have come in my crazy journey.”

– Rachelle Wintzen, owner of The Chi Junky Studio and yoga and nutrition guide at the Reset Retreat in February.

How do you love yourself each day? Let us know on Facebook or send us an e-mail so we can add onto our growing list!

We hope that you find some inspiration in reminding yourself that you are amazing.

Like Mae West said, “I don’t like myself, I’m crazy about myself.”

Go be crazy about yourself.

How To Reset Your Path In Life

By Cierra Savatgy-King

I was going to be a famous singer, make $1 million by 26 years old, and use that $1 million dollars to build a resort like Atlantis Resort where people could experience ultimate fun. This was my dream that started when I was about 8. Just to be clear, Atlantis actually cost $800 million to build. I point this out because I was delusional. Sure, an 8 year old can be delusional. Heck, a 20 year old can be. But when I started nearing 26, I realized I had kept some of those delusions my entire life and didn’t allow the dream to grow.

Because so much of that dream had real passion, all of it stayed with me my entire life. It couldn’t change. I would show all those naysayers: I am going to do it if it kills me. And it kind of did: my spirit anyways.

I was tirelessly working towards a dream that I hadn’t fully formed – as an adult self. I was spinning my wheels for something that wasn’t making me happy.

I recognized this as fear. Just conquer the fear. Push through. You’ll love it when you get there.

Even as I put pen to paper, there’s something in the back of my head saying, “but you love singing so much!” I do. But a dream should never be put in a box.

I was starting to see something extremely terrifying: The “dream box” that had defined me my entire life wasn’t actually what I wanted. It rocked my world.

One day I woke up and it just hit me: I needed to figure out what my dream was again. Sounds great! How in the world does one do that?

I decided this would be my new focus: Figure it out. But I needed to shake things up. Because I didn’t know what that even looked like, I had to change my patterns and get outside of routines and bad habits to (hopefully) see more clearly. I needed a reset button.

I had read about others going through rough patches and how they picked up, quit their jobs and traveled the world – backpacking across Europe and meeting unique strangers over drinks at the hostel. I really like nice linens and pillows. This wouldn’t work for me. But they were onto something.

My man and I packed up our life, put it in a storage unit, and started living in vacation rentals in the town we lived to get a different perspective for 3 months, changing homes every few weeks.  This was something manageable. I could do this.

Fast forward to over 1 year and 18 houses later, this ended up being a game changer. Small things were making a monumental change: How I drove home, where I parked my car, which restaurants I went to, where I took my daily walks. I wasn’t able to be on autopilot. It was making me jump outside of my patterns. The most amazing thing started happening: I began noticing the leaves in the trees and the brilliantly blue skies. I also started seeing what makes me happy, all the way down to my core.

I jumped outside of my comfort zone, which led me to 3 inspiring entrepreneurs I met while sailing in Croatia. These women are now my partners in crime for Reset Retreat, a women’s wellness and adventure retreat in Belize, with a focus on resetting your path.

Through this, I realized my dream – all along – has been to build incredible experiences for people that make them happy. As long as I’m doing that, I’m on the right track.

This is who I am. This is why I am here today with Reset Retreat.

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