By Talya Flowers
Words are seeds.
Whatever you say, will grow.
Whatever words you use for or against yourself, will be.
Choose wisely.
Words are powerful. They have the power to kill and destroy relationships, demolish an individual’s identity, self-esteem and self-worth, and build up strongholds in a person’s mind.
I have mentioned several times in my articles about the importance of renewing the mind because that is where every issue begins – and from the mouth is where every issue is settled. Where are your seeds settling? I wholeheartedly believe that whatever comes out of the mouth, in anger, spite, or resentment, is truly what that person believes. Because the seeds that fall out of our mouths stem from the very thoughts that we have ruminating over and over in our minds.
With so many hurting people today, I am making it my duty to make everyone I come into contact with know that they are valued and that they matter. If there is a long line in the store, I refuse to take it out on the cashier. If my food is not being “prepared” fast enough at a restaurant, I refuse to take it out on the waitress, cashier, or busboy. If someone is yelling in my face and telling me off, I refuse to reason with them in that manner. I refuse because we never know what each person is facing in their personal lives when we meet them at that particular time. I realize now that sometimes the ones who hurt us the most, need to really be shown an example of God-like love.
I once gave an acquaintance a compliment about a teal sweater he was wearing, and his eye sparkled. Then he took a step back and stammered to push “thank you” out of his mouth. I was being honest with him, but his reaction showed me just how powerful our words can be.
Here’s another example: Several months ago, I reached in to give one of my friends a departure hug. After a second, I stepped back, and he held me for a second longer. I wiggled to free myself, and sternly said “what are you doing?” He looked at me intently and said, “I was just appreciating the moment.” His seeds grew immediately. But I played tough, and told him to stop being a creeper. As I turned to walk away to get in my car, my jaw dropped. I sat in my car for 5 minutes, as it warmed up, really thinking about the words he had just said. That one seed: “I was just appreciating the moment,” turned into, “I appreciate your time, I appreciate the time we spent together, and eventually, I appreciate you.” I cried like a baby – and that is how much I am drawn to the words that people use.
Here are my suggestions for always making your words count:
1. Be kind
If you are ever involved with someone whose love language is words of affirmation, try not to verbally criticize/correct your partner all the time. If it is a small matter, then leave it a small matter; don’t make mountains out of molehills. If what a person is doing is hazardous to your mental, emotional, physical, or spiritual well-being, politely bring up the issue and use a buffer (“I love how you do this … x,y,z but you could do this like this!“) Those fortunate individuals like me whose love language are words of affirmation, hear criticism differently than most people. Tread lightly and always choose kindness.
2. Be encouraging
Encouraging people comes easily to me (it’s my gift!). I believe that we all have unearthed potential that can be cultivated and then used for a greater purpose. Be your friends, family members, or spouse’s biggest cheerleader. Encourage them in an area that they are truly passionate about. Use your words to encourage them. When you encourage someone, then your words are being used to instill courage into them. Never encourage them in an area that they are not passionate about; follow your spouse’s train of thought, so to speak.
3. Be honest
Don’t give meaningless compliments, encouragement, or feedback. Your words should come from a place of sincerity and honesty to be uplifting.
4. Be gentle
Sometimes it is hard to be kind, encouraging, honest, and gentle at the same time because we want to quickly get what we want to say off of our chests, never realizing that our tone of voice is all wrong. A gentle critique is heard, whereas a condemning critique causes a person to shut down and never hear what you are trying to say. I read a book that said “you can be right but wrong at the top of your voice.” Excessive mentioning of faults crushes the spirit, so be very gentle in your tone of voice when you have to use your words to rebuild.
5. Be open
An open heart is ready to receive all that life has to offer, so always be open to receive whatever someone is saying to you. Do you have to cling to their every word? No, but people want to know that they are being heard. If someone has the courage to come and tell you something about yourself then listen and be open. Be willing to see things from their point of view. I bet you both can gain something.
Always remember, your words have the power to touch the soul and leave a person feeling more loved and appreciated by just being in your presence.
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