By Dick Sutphen
Have you ever been angry at someone? This is a silly question, because if you’re human, the answer is undoubtedly ‘yes.’ But that doesn’t mean that your anger has to control you. Most people have been victims of their own negative feelings, and many feel like it is out of their control. But I am here to tell you this: It is not out of your control. You – and only you – can vanquish the anger in your life. And here’s why.
Your thoughts generate your anger. If you release negative thoughts, your anger will dissipate. I know it sounds simple yet difficult at the same time. But it can be done.
Here are 6 tips to rid yourself of anger:
1. Realize that the only reason you get angry is because you have expectations of approval or control.
You want someone else to approve of your actions … or you want to control their actions or reactions. When that doesn’t happen, you get angry. Or as my friend Michael Misita once told me: “One day I noticed that every time I got angry it was because I wasn’t getting what I wanted.”
The Course In Miracles advises that anger is fear-based and you should never express it toward others, because in so doing you’re unable to see clearly your interconnectedness with others.
Saint Augustine said, “It is better to deny entrance to just and reasonable anger than to admit it, no matter how small it is. Once let in, it is driven out again only with difficulty. It comes in as a little twig and in less than no time it grows big and becomes a beam.”
Okay. But if you follow this saintly advice, what about the resulting repression? Repressed emotions fester within and always end up surfacing in some undesirable way such as ulcers, depression, or misdirected antagonism. Long-term repression can cause cancer.
2. Do not repress such a strong emotion as anger, but learn to control anger.
If you don’t, it will destroy your relationships, raise your blood pressure, and come back to you in the form of cause and effect. Expressed negativity will always come back to you in the form of negative experiences.
So what can you do to deprogram anger?
3. Remind yourself when you get angry that your expectations are in conflict with what is.
Maybe the other person is an asshole. That’s what is. The other person is incompetent. That’s what is. The other person is inconsiderate and selfish. That’s what is. You can resist what is, blow your top and raise your blood pressure, but it won’t change what is. In other words, your anger will probably only make matters worse.
4. Try using mind programming.
Master of Life or Zen suggestions in the form of hypnosis or sleep programming is highly effective. I have spent most of my career using hypnosis to re-program people’s minds so they can make their lives better.
5. Some people have greatly reduced their anger levels with a mantras.
For example, something such as this can help greatly: “From now on, I choose to respond to negativity with tranquility.” Say it over and over and over to yourself throughout the day — ideally, hundreds of times a day. Then when you encounter an anger-inducing situation, the programming will click in. Chances are, a firmly stated reaction will be more powerful than an angry response, which will always generate resentment in the other person.
6. Running is a Tibetan cure for anger. You might want to try it.
If you’re in an office, rush up and down the stairs. If you’re at home, run around the house or around the block. Exertion requires more oxygen. When your breathing changes, your thought patterns also change.
And if you can’t run, do some deep breathing. Take a deep breath and hold it as long as you comfortably can, then let it out slowly through slightly parted teeth (this allows you to retain the moisture in your mouth), and when the breath is all the way out, contract your stomach muscles and push it further out and further out. Then repeat the process. A few minutes of this breathing is extremely relaxing and will defeat immediate anger.
If you haven’t guessed by now, the idea is to learn to control your anger or it will control you. To think that you are victim of your own emotions diminishes the powerful being that you are. You have the power and ability to create your thoughts and emotions. It all starts with awareness and action.
